Anyone know how I can get a tee time at Augusta

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

Was watching the Masters this year and thought...that place isn't so tough...I could eat it up. Ball rolls forever there. Some of those short par 5's would be no match for me. I have the perfect draw ball flight for number 13.

How would you recommend me getting on the course? Went to their web site and didn't see a number to call for tee times. I'm guessing they don't typically let the general public play, but I'm sure they will make an exception for my skills. What would you suggest? I've considered sending them a request along with a video of me driving a ball through ply wood and another video of me tearing the Baltimore yellow pages in half. Any other ideas?

[daveperk]

You could break in and play at night.

Or you could play Augusta very easily. Augusta municipal. Goat track but it's augusta.

[poe4soul]

If I had your game I would just get my PGA card, win a tournament, and tee it up with the big boys. Just sign up for the same tournaments as Kenny Perry so you can win without breaking a sweat. Hell you could make some money while your at it! Without Tiger all that is left on the tour is choppers. Well, except JD and maybe Bubba. That's what I would do if I had your game anyway.

One word of advice, don't get between Lumpy and his food. He doesn't look tough on the course but that man is all business at the buffets.

Glad I could help - Cheers!

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

You could break in and play at night.

Or you could play Augusta very easily. Augusta municipal. Goat track but it's augusta.

I'm going to require an 8am tee time and a looper with course knowledge. I plan to sew him up a white jump suit so it feels more like the masters.

[Horseballs]

Winning the US Amateur is a guaranteed way to get at least 3 tee times, but they'll pair you up with a couple of d-bags who take their games WAY too seriously. You should see some of their gay pre-shot routines, and don't get me started on how long it takes them to hit a putt.
Send them the video and I suggest wearing a ninja suit. Good luck.

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

If I had your game I would just get my PGA card, win a tournament, and tee it up with the big boys. Just sign up for the same tournaments as Kenny Perry so you can win without breaking a sweat. Hell you could make some money while your at it! Without Tiger all that is left on the tour is choppers. Well, except JD and maybe Bubba. That's what I would do if I had your game anyway.

One word of advice, don't get between Lumpy and his food. He doesn't look tough on the course but that man is all business at the buffets.

Glad I could help - Cheers!

While that would be the easiest solution...the tour lifestyle isn't for me. Don't like to be on the road that much. I'd prefer a courtesy invite.

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

Winning the US Amateur is a guaranteed way to get at least 3 tee times, but they'll pair you up with a couple of d-bags who take their games WAY too seriously. You should see some of their gay pre-shot routines, and don't get me started on how long it takes them to hit a putt.
Send them the video and I suggest wearing a ninja suit. Good luck.

I'm going to have to go with the video approach. I've been asked to keep a minimum distance of 500 yards from all USGA sanctioned events. Long story.

[Horseballs]

I'm going to have to go with the video approach. I've been asked to keep a minimum distance of 500 yards from all USGA sanctioned events. Long story.

Good move. Some other things to put on your video...

1) A pommel horse routine. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be professional.
2) Pull a semi truck by a rope with your teeth. Self-explanatory.
3) Rescue a puppy from a small river or stream. Everyone loves a hero.

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

Good move. Some other things to put on your video...

1) A pommel horse routine. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be professional.
2) Pull a semi truck by a rope with your teeth. Self-explanatory.
3) Rescue a puppy from a small river or stream. Everyone loves a hero.

I've got a clip of me blowing up a hot water bottle till it explodes. That might work.

[edgey]

I've got a clip of me blowing up a hot water bottle till it explodes. That might work.

Spank, mate

I'll bet you have got LOTS of videos of you blowing things havent you. Come on!, out and proud you big 23" gun's muscle mary you.

Elton needs someone for his next menage trois, big boy

Edgey

[Not a hacker]

If I had your game I would just get my PGA card, win a tournament, and tee it up with the big boys. Just sign up for the same tournaments as Kenny Perry so you can win without breaking a sweat. Hell you could make some money while your at it! Without Tiger all that is left on the tour is choppers. Well, except JD and maybe Bubba. That's what I would do if I had your game anyway.

One word of advice, don't get between Lumpy and his food. He doesn't look tough on the course but that man is all business at the buffets.

Glad I could help - Cheers!

If Spank signed up for the same tournaments as KP ol Kenny would be an immediate withrawal, and would have to find some new second rate fields to beat up on while raking in millions.

What's the prizemoney and field srength like in Vietnam these days?

[poe4soul]

Exactly! and the easiest way to find the weak field.

[Omen2]

dude forget augusta national it's overhyped... played it 3 times and shot 59 all three... its a real pitch and putt. and not to mention without the pretty flowers its a goat track.

Omen... we need to only think Carnoustie or St andrews...

[Not a hacker]

I agree with Omen.

Even with all the added length and 'tiger proofing' Augusta has had over the years, it's nothing more than a pitch and putt for guys like Wiggle. He would be far better off looing for links courses to tear apart.

[dorkman53]

"How do I get a tee time at Augusta?"


The same answer to the legendary NYC question, "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?".......

"Practice, man.....practice....."

[Mr 3 Wiggle]

I agree with Omen.

Even with all the added length and 'tiger proofing' Augusta has had over the years, it's nothing more than a pitch and putt for guys like Wiggle. He would be far better off looing for links courses to tear apart.

My 70 degree wedge would come in handy in those pot bunkers. Perhaps I'll look into a ticket to Scotland.