Help PGA in 2009

[poe4soul]

With the recession the PGA probably needs some help attracting people to attend and watch their tour events. What would you suggest to help?

I think the they need some babes in bikinis to hold those quite signs above there heads like the boxing babes do between rounds. Also good shots should be rewarded with the same girls doing jumps and scissor kicks. It works at most other Pro sports, why not golf. Oh, the old fart volunteers should be delegated to handing out programs and getting water for the players.

I also think they need to remove the drug ban. The PGA should let Tiger and the others do as many and as much legal or illegal drugs as possible to aid the players making the best scores they can. Who really cares about the players health anyway?

[bjdrivers]

i fully agree. i would like to see some of the UFC ring girls transfer to the tour.

[FreakOfNature]

UFC ring girls!

BJ you're a goddamn genius.



FON

[Horseballs]

A few ideas that I've talked to Finchem about in our weekly phone call.
1. Re-institue the stymie.
2. Allow players to hit into the group in front of them at will.
3. Eliminate the dress code to allow for cargo shorts and wife beaters.
4. Decriminalize the skycaddie.

He is receptive to the first three, but is adamant about keeping the Tour as "non-gay" as possible. His words, not mine.

[edgey]

Snipers on every PGA golf course this year. They will be given standing shoot to kill orders should Ian Poulteroon be spotted.

Bunkers to become hazards, so booby traps like punji sticks and IED's will be mandatory

Random MANBOOB testing (No exceptions for Mrs Doubtfire or Pri ckleson) with the introduction of bra's for those who fail

Release of large man eating wild animals on random courses

Spank to take over from Faldo as comentator

PGA to visit Vietnam in recognition of Tesee

Woods to have a leg amputated to make it slightly harder for him to win

Edgey

[SoonerBS]

I think Boo Weekly should be allowed to carry a shotgun in his golf bag and unload on any ducks that might be swimming on the ponds.

I would like to see golf carts allowed on the course by the players as long as it is mandatory that jousting lances must accompany the carts and must be used while waiting on players to finish play in the group ahead of them.

Beer and tequila shots must be sold to all galleries throughout the day. This in itself will eventually add some additional and unexpected "color" to the PGA events.

Galleries should be allowed to holler at the players at any time like at all other sporting events. They pay good money to get in and they should be allowed to heckle players. Tiger can just eat ****.

It must be mandatory for all players to wear a shocking device with the electrodes attached to their balls. Any player taking over 30 seconds to hit their ball and get their shot off will have their testicles lit up.

[lorenzoinoc]

I stand in awe there are so many great ideas on this thread. I don't know what I could add.

Maybe have an alpha convict from the nearest prison mount Camillo Villegas the next time he does that spiderman thing. Wow!!

[Kiwi Player]

I stand in awe there are so many great ideas on this thread. I don't know what I could add.

Me too but I think Sooner BS's idea about jousting lances and golf carts has merit.

That could be used to decide a winner instead of those insufferably boring playoffs they have.

[daveperkins]

I think John Daly should be a mandatory player in the final group on Sunday every week.

I think the scoring-standard carrier should also have to carry a canvas backpack cooler with a 12 pack in it for John Daly.

I think Hooters should become a PGA Tour sponsor.

I think Hooters girls should go braless from the beginning of the PGA Tour ad contract.

I think I should go to HOoters more often if that happens.

[FreakOfNature]

Instead of a playoff - there should be a MMA free for all among the tied participants to determine the winner.

This will guarantee Darren Clarke a victory every time he makes a playoff.

Of course it also could mean that we would get to see someone beat the snot out of Sergio or Phildo. That would be sweet.



FON

[dorkman53]

Placement of hungry crocodiles in all water hazards. Keep water hazards at 2' depth or less, and the ball must be hit out of the hazard. No more woosie re-hitting from a dry lie.

Replace sand bunkers with pits filled with angry, venomous snakes.

Aboriginal people armed with poison tipped darts to occupy any wooded terrain, with instructions to shoot at anything or anybody who moves into their turf.

On course wagering

These minor improvements should increase the appeal of the tour, and will almost certainly boost valuable TV revenue.

[daveperkins]

even without the amphibious predators, there should be a new rule that at least one shot per round MUST result in the player being submerged in a water hazard.

FOrget all this accidental stuff, like Finch last week on 16, or Woody in the P. Cup.. now a dive should be mandatory.. if you nursed a one shot lead into 18 and haven't gotten wet yet, you better hit it close to the lake, cuz you're going in before you hit your approach...

[FreakOfNature]

Re-plant all rough with poison ivy. Players must play barefoot out of the rough.

Ban blood pressure and heart medications. Death on TV is good for ratings. It worked for GR, didn't it?

Everyone must eat 2 burritos before teeing off. That should speed up play considerably. "You have 3 hours sir, make the most of it."

No porta-potties on the back 9. Let's see how well they can handle pressure.

Hot Hooter's girls fawning over the players after every birdie or eagle - only it must be in front of their wives. This will test their mental discipline.

Finally, all opponents reserve the right to give a playing partner a wedgie after they shoot over par on a hole.



FON

[poe4soul]

I don't know if the hooter girls will distract some of the players like Ian Poulter or Luke Donald.

Looks like Anthony Kim is reading the GR Forums. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...cle4805967.ece

[lorenzoinoc]

I don't know if the hooter girls will distract some of the players like Ian Poulter or Luke Donald.

Looks like Anthony Kim is reading the GR Forums. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...cle4805967.ece

Looks like somebody doesn't like getting body checked after they've put on their makeup. And he probably wasn't wearing his knee pads.

Next Ryder Cup, I hope Kim goes for the haymaker.

[poe4soul]

The funny part is that Kim now knows how to get at Poutler. I don't know what is more of a pu$$y being sore about being shouldered or complaining to the press about it later. I wonder if he let out a little girl sequel when he got hit? What a DB.

[Mward2002]

Play the ball as it lies, no matter what. Put one in the water? Have fun getting that one out. Oh, and box jellyfish are now in every water hazard. Make it quick!

[edgey]

I think, and i am being serious, that Pingman or Golfaholic should e mail this to the PGA. Some of the ideas here are guaranteed moneymakers.

Edgey

[Not a hacker]

Dispense with the Player of the Year award and instead have the John Daly Perpetual Trophy. The presentation could take place at Hooters in Las Vegas and co-incide with drinking contests and scorecard girl wet t-shirt contests. The winner would be decided by off course antics with no relevance placed on on course performance, with the main criteria being drinking, gambling, smoking, fighting, trashing hotel rooms, time spent in divorce courts and how far you can hit a golf ball teed up on a beer can in a pga tour event.

The ability to sleep with your eyes open would obviously score heavily with judges.