Useless Golf Stocking Stuffers

[david_dicks]

Okay, here's a little seasonal question for all.
I'm sure you've experienced the well meaning relative who gives you a "Golf related Christmas present".
Personally, I've gotten everything from a new golf bag to tees and almost everything in between.
In general, I'm partial to the golf shirt. I easily fit in clothes off the rack so it's a safe and useful gift.

However, one year, my brother-in-law gave me a golf ball monogramer. The idea behind this device was something like a pair of goofy looking pliers in which you'd put some stamp type plates. In theory you could then mark your nugget with your initials or any other three letter word. The problem is that because golf balls are designed not to absorb moisture, the ink wouldn't stick to the ball unless you squeezed the pliers hard enough to actually cut the surface of the ball. Needless to say, you are much better off with a simple sharpie.

So, my question is what's the worst golf related Christmas present any well-meaning person ever gave you?

[Horseballs]

I got that monogrammer too. I monogrammed "Drew is a ***" on a sleeve of balls and gave them to my older brother. It took about 3 hours and wasn't even close to worth it.
The worst gadget I ever got was this fake range finder thing. You stare through a viewfinder at the flag and adjust a little vertical line until it matches the exact height of the flag. Accuracy was probably plus/minus 60 yards.
I will usually get a dozen Pinnacles from my parents. In laws are surprising good with the golf-related gifts. A couple of times they gotten me tgw.com gift certificates.

[jt1135]

Brush tees. Used them for one round and they looked so gay that I got rid of them. If anybody asked, "you got an extra tee?" Yup, here you use this.

[lorenzoinoc]

The worst was a Nike unitized putter. But the best was a putter head cover made to look like a vagina. I couldn't get that Nike putter to go in there. But the next year that same person gave me a putter head cover made to look like a man's arse, and that Nike unitized putter would go right in there by itself.

[dorkman53]

The worst I've gotten would be golf balls I didn't want to use. I'm very specific in what I want; a soft, relatively high spin ball to play to my strength; the finesse, short game. A well intentioned gift of a low spin distance ball from a non-golfer would be met with polite appreciation and thanks, but is likely not to be used. Fortunately, they wouldn't be with me on the course to see if I actually used the balls.....

[Kiwi Player]

The worst gadget I ever got was this fake range finder thing. You stare through a viewfinder at the flag and adjust a little vertical line until it matches the exact height of the flag. Accuracy was probably plus/minus 60 yards.

HB you make me laugh.

I got EXACTLY the same POS range finder device from my now wife when we first met.

That thing ended up in the bottom drawer in the basement after one outing.

Maybe this has some bearing on our mutual dislike of range finders?

[Not a German]

The worst was a Nike unitized putter. But the best was a putter head cover made to look like a vagina. I couldn't get that Nike putter to go in there. But the next year that same person gave me a putter head cover made to look like a man's arse, and that Nike unitized putter would go right in there by itself.

I'd appreciate if you could avoid these kinds of stories at least until my arse has completely recovered.

[Riverologist]

I have everyone around me trained to give me gift certificates to our local golf shop.

[Puma with a putter]

I agree the gift card is a great idea. However, I have to say my mother got me this laser thing you stick on your putter, It was actually kinda cool to mess with and I would never have thought to purchase one myself.

The worst Golf related gift I ever got was this spinning ball thing. It was a little 2 foot by 1 foot mat, that had a bent stick one it with a ball on a string. The idea was that you'd whack the ball and see by the way the ball was whipping around the bent stick if you sliced or hooked or what ever. The only trouble was that everytime you whacked the ball the mat would either flip over or the bent stick would bend in another direction or move or something. It was about as useless a training aid as anything I've ever seen.

[bjdrivers]

that stupid divot repair/ball marker/stroke counter plastic POS thing from walmart. i can't remember who the hell got that for me one year but i should have kicked his damn arse.

that's the gayest chopper device that has ever been conceived.

the best golf related gift i've ever received? by far, a pair of soiled underwear worn by camilo villegas at the us open. BPC gave them to me for christmas last year. funny though, he said they weren't soiled when he got them...

[Horseballs]

I also got the golf-related Swiss army knife that was useless. It had a knife, magnetic ball marker, spike wrench, divot tool, brush, and pen. As a playa, this hack tool is taboo.

[Home-slicer]

I also got the golf-related Swiss army knife that was useless. It had a knife, magnetic ball marker, spike wrench, divot tool, brush, and pen. As a playa, this hack tool is taboo.

I got one of those from Mom-Slice last year. Even hacks don't want to be seen with those. I usually get a dozen rock balls as well. Last years were RAMs!!! I use them as punishment if I lose a sleeve of real balls in a round.

[Home-slicer]

I also got the monogramer as well, two or 3 x-mas' ago. What a pain in the ass that thing was! I had 3 balls that said ASS in faint, broken letters to show for it, then it went straight to Goodwill, or as I like to call it "Things that are too new or big to go in the trash."

[FreakOfNature]

I got one of those monogramers once too. Most useless golf-related item I have ever seen. I think I did 3 letters on one ball before I chucked it in the trash.

Those wristband score counters are just about as bad, but I can see them becoming necessary once you get up to dorkman or dave's age... once Old-Timer's disease starts to rear itself. It's not that they forget, they just can't remember...



FON

[Riverologist]

I bet someone in this group gets a brand new pair of Croc's Golf Shoes

[LyleG]

I too have the monogrammer, the viewfinder, and enough shitty golf balls to fill a 45 gallon drum. I also have received a rack to wall mount golf balls, a right handed putter (I am a lefty), a top flight hat, golf shirts that would make Duffy Waldorf puke, and the best of all, 3 sets of metal spikes from my mother in law last year. Thanks, but you're 15 years late.

[Kiwi Player]

I've had a few:

- the clip on cap ball marker
- the clip on wire brush for cleaning your irons between shots
- the aforementioned range finder
- the utility belt that goes around your cart bag and has everything you could want in it bottle holder, mesh for spare balls, individual tee holders, ball marker attached to pitch repair tool
- cheap cr@ppy synthetic no name gloves
- cheap balls
- wrist strap score keeper that you have to push the button each shot. What a POS that was. I think I broke it trying to figure out how it worked. I got one and so did my father in law (who is an out and out chopper). He used his when we played but I suppose it might help keep score when you are averaging 6-8 shots per hole

[Riverologist]

I've had a few:
- the clip on wire brush for cleaning your irons between shots
e

What do you use to clean your clubs?

[Kiwi Player]

What do you use to clean your clubs?

I use a towel.

[oldplayer]

I got a sleeve of balls once, probably rocks, one was painted to look like a tennis ball, the others were a soccer ball and a basket ball. I can't believe the gift giver would actually concieve of me playing them. They are still new in the packet and are around, somewhere.....

[pingman360]

everyone in my family knows that if they buy me golf equipment chances are it wont be used... it takes me a while to just change clubs i am very picky about what kinda stuff i play with... its not that i dont appriciate the thought but unless it is exactly the way i want it... it simply doesnt get played...

[poe4soul]

I really haven't gotten any useless gifts. The worst I got was a box of titlest NXT Tour balls from an employee.

My dad is an avid golfer and got me a putter but it had a gift receipt. He knew I would probably exchange it but wanted something under the tree.

[Home-slicer]

I got a really goofy one last year. It was this metal thing called a "divot tool." It looked like a tuning fork and you could supposedly fix ball marks on the greens with it. What the fukk?!?!?!

[lorenzoinoc]

Was it a Scotty? Cool!!

[Kiwi Player]

I got a really goofy one last year. It was this metal thing called a "divot tool." It looked like a tuning fork and you could supposedly fix ball marks on the greens with it. What the fukk?!?!?!

A divot tool is a bit like a lob wedge. High handicappers don't need one.

[Kiwi Player]

I really haven't gotten any useless gifts. The worst I got was a box of titlest NXT Tour balls from an employee.

The worst was a box of Titlest NXT Tour balls???

That doesn't sound too bad to me. I got a box of Maxfli Fire balls from my work colleagues earlier this year.

[Home-slicer]

A divot tool is a bit like a lob wedge. High handicappers don't need one.

Well played, sir.....well played.

[groundhogday]

I got a set of Mizuno MP 33 blades useless

[Puma with a putter]

The worst was a box of Titlest NXT Tour balls???

That doesn't sound too bad to me. I got a box of Maxfli Fire balls from my work colleagues earlier this year.

On a side note, I was playing at my home course and found one of those Maxfli Fire balls in a sandtrap on the first hole. I tossed it in my bag rather than in the lake and sure enough on hole number 5, I pulled it out and hit the only hole-in-one I've ever made in my life. So, from now until forever I'll have this Maxfli Fire ball mounted in a hole in one display hanging proudly in my office. I suppose it could have been worse. On a dare, I once played an entire round with a sleeve of "Pink Lady Crackle" golf balls. Lucky for me, I hit the hole in one with the Maxfli.

[FreakOfNature]

On a side note, I was playing at my home course and found one of those Maxfli Fire balls in a sandtrap on the first hole. I tossed it in my bag rather than in the lake and sure enough on hole number 5, I pulled it out and hit the only hole-in-one I've ever made in my life. So, from now until forever I'll have this Maxfli Fire ball mounted in a hole in one display hanging proudly in my office. I suppose it could have been worse. On a dare, I once played an entire round with a sleeve of "Pink Lady Crackle" golf balls. Lucky for me, I hit the hole in one with the Maxfli.

Consider yourself lucky that you used it to ace a hole. At least that way you didn't have to game it for the whole round. You probably saved yourself 5 shots by putting it away after the 5th.

Seriously though, well done on the ace. I'd take one with a Lady Precept at this point. Just go in the hole, dammit!!!!!



FON

[jt1135]

Have to disagree about the divot tool Kiwi. I generally shoot in the low 90's because the guys I play with like to have a few brews while we play. Couple of them shoot usually high 70's and a few others generally shoot low to mid 80's. I have to admit that I have the worst score of all of us, but the a$$holes won't give me any strokes. Burnt them too many times. They give me a stroke on a par five and I par the damn thing. It was nice taking the jing from them but it caught up. Don't know if its the beer or the challenge, but for some reason I do rise up to the occasion. Can stick it on the green and get pars and bogies but there always seems to be one or two holes that I end up with a snowman or worse and damn, there goes the round. Sorry bout the rambling, had a few beers after work.

[ProStatus]

Have to disagree about the divot tool Kiwi. I generally shoot in the low 90's because the guys I play with like to have a few brews while we play. Couple of them shoot usually high 70's and a few others generally shoot low to mid 80's. I have to admit that I have the worst score of all of us, but the a$$holes won't give me any strokes. Burnt them too many times. They give me a stroke on a par five and I par the damn thing. It was nice taking the jing from them but it caught up. Don't know if its the beer or the challenge, but for some reason I do rise up to the occasion. Can stick it on the green and get pars and bogies but there always seems to be one or two holes that I end up with a snowman or worse and damn, there goes the round. Sorry bout the rambling, had a few beers after work.

Hey bro its cool ........Atleast your having fun ...................Right. Your probably silent but deadly, and youll be beatin those fellas soon enough

[Home-slicer]

On a side note, I was playing at my home course and found one of those Maxfli Fire balls in a sandtrap on the first hole. I tossed it in my bag rather than in the lake and sure enough on hole number 5, I pulled it out and hit the only hole-in-one I've ever made in my life. So, from now until forever I'll have this Maxfli Fire ball mounted in a hole in one display hanging proudly in my office. I suppose it could have been worse. On a dare, I once played an entire round with a sleeve of "Pink Lady Crackle" golf balls. Lucky for me, I hit the hole in one with the Maxfli.

If you had played that hole with a real ball, it might have checked up and not gone in. Maxfli Fire, making miracles happen. (The preceding message was brought to you by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)

[Riverologist]

I got Brush Tees and a golf tree ornament

[FreakOfNature]

I didn't get a single golf related gift this year.

It was awesome.



FON

[lorenzoinoc]

I got high ball glasses from my son. When you're kid gives you drink glasses, you begin to wonder whether you're going at it a little too hard.

[groundhogday]

Fuk it When life gives you a high ball glass find someone with a bottle of Jack

[Puma with a putter]

This year worked out great.
The only golf related gift I got was from my wife. She replaced my cleveland wedges with brand new ones of the same specifications, she also got me a new pair of golf shoes! What a woman!
That's why its smart to marry a woman who also plays golf.

[Home-slicer]

This year worked out great.

.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but you bumped the thread, so here goes.
This year, I received the Chopper gift basket motherload. My brother in law got me an assortment of hackerware that left me mystified. These Nike sleeve things that are like leg warmers for your arms???? Like if you want long sleeves just on your arms but not under your shirt? Brush tee's, a golf ball certifuge that you spin the ball in and draw a line on it, two boxes of slazenger distance balls and the coup de gras : this giant gorilla head cover. I mean this thing is huge.

I am going to play my next round with no shirt and just the sleeves, and maybe a bowtie,
and BJ, the gorilla headcover will be on ebay soon.

[Kiwi Player]

These Nike sleeve things that are like leg warmers for your arms???? Like if you want long sleeves just on your arms but not under your shirt?

Quickly HS. You need to post this on the gayest gear thread. This is an absolute shoo in for the Gayest Golf Gear award.

[Kiwi Player]

I got a big coffee cup with 'Golfaholic' written on it.

So at least it has some use. I just hope I am not breaking any copyright laws with one of our esteemed moderators.

[lorenzoinoc]

I got a big coffee cup with 'Golfaholic' written on it.

So at least it has some use. I just hope I am not breaking any copyright laws with one of our esteemed moderators.

If you get one next year that says 'That Canadian Guy', I'd start getting suspicious.

[NiftyNiblick]

What do you use to clean your clubs?

I store my clubs in the bag room instead of in my locker or bringing them home. That way, I drop them off dirty and find them on my cart clean.

My most useless golf gift, I thought, was a combination putter cover / hand towel--except in time, I actually came to like it. I ended buying more to always have a clean one and used them for about three or four seasons.

Another poor choice is a dozen Pro V1s because I'd rather get two dozen Gamers for the same price!

[SoonerBS]

I don't believe I have ever received a golf related gift for Christmas and I'm grateful for this. I did, however, purchase my own golf gift for Christmas -- custom made MP52s.

I pretty much let everyone around me know that I will buy my own equipment. I just let them buy me the usual father/husband standard for Christmas: socks, underwear and ties.

[SoonerBS]

I got a set of Mizuno MP 33 blades useless

It grieves me to no end knowing that you are suffering having these useless sticks around your home. Please allow me to send you shipping money to deliver them to my home and I will ease the burden of you having to look at them.

[Puma with a putter]

Nice, giving yourself a gift is always a great idea.

By the way, Sweet Avitar!

[The Purist]

Nice, giving yourself a gift is always a great idea.

By the way, Sweet Avitar!

While we are on the topic of gifts and avatars...Did you get any new action figures for Christmas?

When I see your avatar it reminds me of the Gary Garver interview with some dude dressed up like Darth Nihilus at a Star Wars convention:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezz3k...3AVideo%3A1162

[Puma with a putter]

Ha ha! I didn't think of that, but that's a hoot.
No, no action figures this year.

Actually my Avitar is just a picture of me on Halloween this year. I joined the forum the same day somebody brought halloween party pix to work. So, I chucked it in as my Avitar just for fun. I know David Dicks, who also sometimes posts on this forum and he was supposed to put the picture of him on Halloween as his Avitar, but I think he chickened out. His posts still show up with nothing.