Ways to make The Masters better

[Home-slicer]

Last year, Augusta National didn't go with a US open style set up and the result was an exciting tournament that a real golfer could win instead of whichever shortknocker was having the best week of driving accuracy. I think there is still plenty of room for improvement. I think Georgia's heritage should be celebrated.
1.) They should rename the tournament "The Massa's." in addition to the white jumpsuits the caddies should wear blackface and talk with an Amos and Andy style accent. "Ress-room break, bossman?"
2.) At the champions dinner, a drunken Fuzzy Zoeller roasts the winner
3.) After the jacket ceremony, the winner drags the runner up behind a pickup truck.
Any other suggestions?

[famousdavis]

Last year, Augusta National didn't go with a US open style set up and the result was an exciting tournament that a real golfer could win instead of whichever shortknocker was having the best week of driving accuracy. I think there is still plenty of room for improvement. I think Georgia's heritage should be celebrated.
1.) They should rename the tournament "The Massa's." in addition to the white jumpsuits the caddies should wear blackface and talk with an Amos and Andy style accent. "Ress-room break, bossman?"
2.) At the champions dinner, a drunken Fuzzy Zoeller roasts the winner
3.) After the jacket ceremony, the winner drags the runner up behind a pickup truck.
Any other suggestions?

They could have a betting pool on how many times the Master's Chairman will incorrectly pronounce the winner's name during the cabin interview. I'll never forget Hoard Hardin asking Bernhard Langer how he pronounces his name. Bernhard replied "It's pronounced "Burn-Hard" and then right after that Hardin says "OK Bernerd, tell us how you won".

I thought it was really touching for the cameras to show Bones sitting all alone on the grass while Mickelson gave his victory speach. Maybe during the ads they could have a fund raiser to purchase a chair for the winner's caddie.

No one from Fiji should be allowed to play

If Qtong ever makes it to the masters they should have a shuttle ready on the 6th hole.

[Horseballs]

Only cover players within 4-5 shots of the lead. I don't want to see Tiger gutting out a T45.

[mongrel]

Free moonshine and cockfights in the Butler Cabin after the Par 3 tournament Wednesday night....mandatory for all players so that they are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for Thursday morning.

[lorenzoinoc]

Mow a map of the local Waffle Houses in the middle of the 9th fairway. There are maybe 45 of them so you don't want patrons to have to drive 200 extra feet to the wrong Waffle House.

Install machines throughout the course that produce really loud canned laughter whenever a member in a seedy green jacket walks by.

Serve pizza. Everyone loves pizza.

Webcam the local Hooters, it's the off-course center of activity.

Airhorn 5 or so competitors mid-swing based on running text voting.

Install the world's most powerful vacuum cleaner close to Jim Nantz and provide me with a remote control.

Change the telecast's bumper music to Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Before commercials, fade to square dancing.

[lorenzoinoc]

Damn, getting old, almost forgot one of the most important things. If Tiger misses the cut, reality show his trip home. Interrupt and override golf on the course, particularly the leaders, to show things like Tiger tipping valets while wearing emotion covering sunglasses.

[mongrel]

[QUOTE=famousdavis]They could have a betting pool on how many times the Master's Chairman will incorrectly pronounce the winner's name during the cabin interview. I'll never forget Hoard Hardin asking Bernhard Langer how he pronounces his name. Bernhard replied "It's pronounced "Burn-Hard" and then right after that Hardin says "OK Bernerd, tell us how you won".

I thought it was really touching for the cameras to show Bones sitting all alone on the grass while Mickelson gave his victory speach. Maybe during the ads they could have a fund raiser to purchase a chair for the winner's caddie.

No one from Fiji should be allowed to play

If Qtong ever makes it to the masters they should have a shuttle ready on the 6th hole.[/QUOTE]
That would be the first time in the history of the Masters telecasts that the 6th hole would be covered.

[lorenzoinoc]

Yeah, when Q-tong gets to the Masters, I hope he gets paired with Larry. I'd go pay per view to see that.

[SoonerBS]

The guy's ass who comes in dead last belongs to these guys . . . . . . . . http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/...eal+Like+a+Pig

[huskyhater]

Don't show tigger-ever. He'll (HOPEFULLY) never, ever lead The Masters again. The guy is a 100% A-HOLE. In the future don't allow arrogant players who have animal (tigger) first names. Go field, beat tigger! Otherwise, The Masters is the greatest show on earth-and the pimmento sands aren't bad either..................

[Not a hacker]

Last year, Augusta National didn't go with a US open style set up and the result was an exciting tournament that a real golfer could win instead of whichever shortknocker was having the best week of driving accuracy. I think there is still plenty of room for improvement. I think Georgia's heritage should be celebrated.
1.) They should rename the tournament "The Massa's." in addition to the white jumpsuits the caddies should wear blackface and talk with an Amos and Andy style accent. "Ress-room break, bossman?"
2.) At the champions dinner, a drunken Fuzzy Zoeller roasts the winner
3.) After the jacket ceremony, the winner drags the runner up behind a pickup truck.
Any other suggestions?

I don't think you could possibly improve on that list. I'm sure Tiger would give it a big thumbs up.

[Not a hacker]

Don't show tigger-ever. He'll (HOPEFULLY) never, ever lead The Masters again. The guy is a 100% A-HOLE. In the future don't allow arrogant players who have animal (tigger) first names. Go field, beat tigger! Otherwise, The Masters is the greatest show on earth-and the pimmento sands aren't bad either..................

So you also hate Nicklaus, Norman Elkington, Baker-Finch and Stadler?

[oldplayer]

So you also hate Nicklaus, Norman Elkington, Baker-Finch and Stadler?

What was Baker-Finch's animal name?

[Not a hacker]

What was Baker-Finch's animal name?

He was known on the Oz Tour as The Sparrow.

[oldplayer]

He was known on the Oz Tour as The Sparrow.

Never heard that before.

[Not a hacker]

Never heard that before.

It goes back a way. It was referred to by commentators like Newton and that era. Haven't heard it for a long tme, usually goes by IBF these days. How boring.

[The Purist]

You Tiger hater's are just foolish. The only way to make the Master's more entertaining is to have Tiger near the top of the leader board. He is the only transcendent super star on tour...and the biggest stars playing in the biggest spots is what makes ratings. If Tiger is out of contention the ratings will be horrible...at least 300% more people will be tuned in if Tiger is in the final pairing Sunday.

Furthermore, If Tiger wins, this will go down as one of the greatest Master's in history...any other scenario will pale in comparison.

Viva La Tiger

[mongrel]

You Tiger hater's are just foolish. The only way to make the Master's more entertaining is to have Tiger near the top of the leader board. He is the only transcendent super star on tour...and the biggest stars playing in the biggest spots is what makes ratings. If Tiger is out of contention the ratings will be horrible...at least 300% more people will be tuned in if Tiger is in the final pairing Sunday.

Furthermore, If Tiger wins, this will go down as one of the greatest Master's in history...any other scenario will pale in comparison.

Viva La Tiger

If the Masters TV ratings tank without a Tiger in contention on the back 9 on Sunday, I could give a gilded rat's fart. What I want to see is some real competition. A player who will not choke and puke hitting his approach to #10 and pull his 4-7 iron left of the green like so many have before him. A guy who still has enough juice to hit a gentle cut landing the ball in the right front and letting it feed down towards the hole. Or Bubba aiming into the forest on the left and hitting a 40 yard hooked PW from 167. No matter who wins, it will be the greatest Masters in history. Each one always is to someone. Plus with low ratings, there will be even fewer commercial interruptions and maybe the network will be forced to eliminate some of its high priced on-air talent. Hint. Hint. And get some cheap labor like one of those young guys from the Golf Channel. Like Michael Breed. Or maybe go to no talk just pictures. And they ought to have the Trac Man or whatever they use to illustrate every player's tee shot, not just the two or three bombers in contention.

[lorenzoinoc]

You Tiger hater's are just foolish. The only way to make the Master's more entertaining is to have Tiger near the top of the leader board. He is the only transcendent super star on tour...and the biggest stars playing in the biggest spots is what makes ratings. If Tiger is out of contention the ratings will be horrible...at least 300% more people will be tuned in if Tiger is in the final pairing Sunday.

Furthermore, If Tiger wins, this will go down as one of the greatest Master's in history...any other scenario will pale in comparison.

Viva La Tiger

I also question whether we here should feel concern over lower ratings. Maybe they will have to cut back. Feherty would stay because he'd work for nothing. Does anyone else really matter?

As I balance the annoyance of Eldrick over-coverage against what you're raising, it makes me hope even more he goes away. Serious observers (99%) would rather have him out of the way, while realizing if he misses the cut, we'll still be seeing video/coverage of him on Saturday and Sunday.

[famousdavis]

The Masters is by far my favorite golf tournament. The coverage is amazing and I look forward to it all year. I agree that Jim Nance is too mushy but other than that I think it's about as close you can get to perfection in golf coverage. The only thing that would make it better is if they could get a side contract with Johnny Miller. I think Miller is the best.

[lorenzoinoc]

The Masters is by far my favorite golf tournament. The coverage is amazing and I look forward to it all year. I agree that Jim Nance is too mushy but other than that I think it's about as close you can get to perfection in golf coverage. The only thing that would make it better is if they could get a side contract with Johnny Miller. I think Miller is the best.

Have you been there in person? If not you should go there, even if only for the practice round/par three tournament. I routinely visit pro tournaments when they're in the area. I'm always ready to go by the end of the day. At the Masters, I was there for the whole thing and when it was over I didn't want to go.

[Not a hacker]

The Masters is by far my favorite golf tournament. The coverage is amazing and I look forward to it all year. I agree that Jim Nance is too mushy but other than that I think it's about as close you can get to perfection in golf coverage. The only thing that would make it better is if they could get a side contract with Johnny Miller. I think Miller is the best.

The Masters is completely ruined by that commentary team. Feherty is great, but the rest to a man suk arse. Who wants to hear a pommy git saying 'crumbs' every 2 minutesd. WTF is 'Crumbs' anyway? And the less said about Nantz the better. Thet should get McCord back in the box telling viewers they used bikini wax on the greens. Or Johnny Miller telling us that a golfer has a swing like a 15 capper, one that would make Ben Hogan puke. That's the sort of personality the Masters needs.

[famousdavis]

The Masters is completely ruined by that commentary team. Feherty is great, but the rest to a man suk arse. Who wants to hear a pommy git saying 'crumbs' every 2 minutesd. WTF is 'Crumbs' anyway? And the less said about Nantz the better. Thet should get McCord back in the box telling viewers they used bikini wax on the greens. Or Johnny Miller telling us that a golfer has a swing like a 15 capper, one that would make Ben Hogan puke. That's the sort of personality the Masters needs.

I hate to say this but I completely agree with you. Miller may be annoying to some people but he has an amazing abiltiy to detect what a player did wrong on any particular shot. There is no one who understands the nuances of a course better than him. On just about any hole he can tell the audience where the player needs to hit the shot. He'll even tell the audience what direction the grain is going and if the guy putting needs to hit it hard or soft. The great thing is that he's not trying to be cocky or sound intelligent, he just loves that stuff. Nick Faldo is kind of similar but not nearly as good.

[oldplayer]

I hate to say this but I completely agree with you. Miller may be annoying to some people but he has an amazing abiltiy to detect what a player did wrong on any particular shot. There is no one who understands the nuances of a course better than him. On just about any hole he can tell the audience where the player needs to hit the shot. He'll even tell the audience what direction the grain is going and if the guy putting needs to hit it hard or soft. The great thing is that he's not trying to be cocky or sound intelligent, he just loves that stuff. Nick Faldo is kind of similar but not nearly as good.

I really like Miller also. Faldo has a rather large ego which can make his commentary a bit tiresome when not kept in check.

[poe4soul]

I hate to say this but I completely agree with you. Miller may be annoying to some people but he has an amazing abiltiy to detect what a player did wrong on any particular shot. There is no one who understands the nuances of a course better than him. On just about any hole he can tell the audience where the player needs to hit the shot. He'll even tell the audience what direction the grain is going and if the guy putting needs to hit it hard or soft. The great thing is that he's not trying to be cocky or sound intelligent, he just loves that stuff. Nick Faldo is kind of similar but not nearly as good.

I especially like it when he talks shiat about a guys putting stroke. He can be a total retard at times but he's like the crazy uncle that says stupid stuff. All I can say is thank god for Tivo. The fast motion is a great time saver and when you see a shot that's either way cool or stinks it up you can put it on slow motion. Even the slow motion swing analysis is cool in slow motion.

I heard an interesting fact at the range today. They have track man launch monitors. The fitting manager was saying that many of the new leaders are there because of their use of the track man to analyze their swings. Each swing it tracks the club, shaft and ball. So it gives instant feedback that takes minutes to get using video. Interesting stuff...

[daveperkins]

Damn, getting old, almost forgot one of the most important things. If Tiger misses the cut, reality show his trip home. Interrupt and override golf on the course, particularly the leaders, to show things like Tiger tipping valets while wearing emotion covering sunglasses.

and play the theme from the end of the Hulk TV show...

[mongrel]

I really like Miller also. Faldo has a rather large ego which can make his commentary a bit tiresome when not kept in check.

Agree about Faldo. The laying of Excalibur on his shoulders by the dotty old Liz was a bit much. But Faldo has really BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. Multiple times. So I tolerate the bit of fluff and listen to him like its the gospel.

[daveperkins]

Even the slow motion swing analysis is cool in slow motion.

During the transition, you could go out for a sandwich. Impact would look like Kung Fu Panda bouncing some small creature off his stomach.

[Not a hacker]

Agree about Faldo. The laying of Excalibur on his shoulders by the dotty old Liz was a bit much. But Faldo has really BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. Multiple times. So I tolerate the bit of fluff and listen to him like its the gospel.

Faldo may have been there and done that, but that was years ago. He was a short knocker grinder. Todays pros play a game he is not familiar with, he relates to what he would do, but he is probably 50 yards shorter off the tee and 3 clubs shorter in the irons than 90% of the filed so his insights are really redundant.

[Horseballs]

I really like Miller also. Faldo has a rather large ego which can make his commentary a bit tiresome when not kept in check.

You can't possibly be saying that Faldo has a bigger ego than Miller.

[lorenzoinoc]

You can't possibly be saying that Faldo has a bigger ego than Miller.

It's a difficult comparison to make. Miller is surrounded by a team of ass-kissers, hand selected based on how they sound saying "You're right, Johnny." Faldo on the other hand is surrounded by people who genuinely hate him, forcing him to invest more energy in self-aggrandizement.

And let us not forget Miller shot that final round 63 on a ball-bustingly difficult golf course, maybe the most difficult. By comparison, Faldo won multiple majors that only required him to not trip over Norman as he fell into fetal position during the final round and pretend to have compassion for him when it was over. Not an insignificant thing. Under similar circumstances, would you be able to pretend to have compassion for Norman?

Faldo is also at a disadvantage being teamed with Jane Manleywoman. It can't be long before his testosterone levels run dangerously low sending his ego into arrest requiring immediate, life-saving, self-defibrillation.

[famousdavis]

Faldo may have been there and done that, but that was years ago. He was a short knocker grinder. Todays pros play a game he is not familiar with, he relates to what he would do, but he is probably 50 yards shorter off the tee and 3 clubs shorter in the irons than 90% of the filed so his insights are really redundant.

Not true. I watched Faldo many years ago at the AT&T at Spyglass and he hit it a ton. He's a huge guy in person and extremely fit. He was not a short knocker by any means. The sad thing is that I'm probably as long as the shortest hitter on the PGA tour. In fact, probably shorter. Fred Funk averages about 265 and that's how far I hit it on a good drive.

[oldplayer]

You can't possibly be saying that Faldo has a bigger ego than Miller.

No I'm not really saying that. They all have large egos; it comes with the territory. It's just that Faldo's facination with himself comes across far too much in his commentary. I like that Miller is blunt and to the point.

[famousdavis]

Have you been there in person? If not you should go there, even if only for the practice round/par three tournament. I routinely visit pro tournaments when they're in the area. I'm always ready to go by the end of the day. At the Masters, I was there for the whole thing and when it was over I didn't want to go.

It's the only golf tournament I would go to but I just haven't had a chance yet. I've gone to several US Opens and I really didn't get much out of it. Too many people and too hard to see anything. The Olympic Club is difficult to get around. The best part of Olympic Club is the way they set up the practice range. They put bleachers out there and you can just sit there and watch the pros hit balls.

Back in 1987 I remember watching Seve Ballesteros hit 9 irons. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in golf. He was literally hitting every ball within a two foot radius and I am not exaggerating. He hit this big draw that landed in the exact same spot every single friggin time. Then he hit a 5 iron and did the same thing but within a 15 foot radius. Absolutely incredible and to this day I have never seen anything like it. I followed him for a whole round and he would hit these pitch and chip shots that would bounce, skid and immediately stop on the green. Then, he would make every single putt he faced inside 15 feet.

Seeing these guys play in person is kind of an eye opener. You see how they play a course that you've played yourself and struggled on and how they do it like it's nothing. The chipping and short pitches are the most impressive thing. It is so different than the way we play. Night and day.

[Not a hacker]

Not true. I watched Faldo many years ago at the AT&T at Spyglass and he hit it a ton. He's a huge guy in person and extremely fit. He was not a short knocker by any means. The sad thing is that I'm probably as long as the shortest hitter on the PGA tour. In fact, probably shorter. Fred Funk averages about 265 and that's how far I hit it on a good drive.

Faldo was definitely a short hitter, especially considering his size. He was like 6'3", but got out hit by everyone he played with. Norman was as much as 50 yards ahead of him when they were paired together. I think you are overrating how far Funk hits it too. He might average 265, but he's very consistent so his longer dirves would probably only be out around 275. I'm not a super long hitter, but my good drives would be 40 past Funk and other short knockers. I think compared to the pros, my good drives would put me arond the middle of the pack.

[Yaz1975]

The Masters is by far my favorite golf tournament. The coverage is amazing and I look forward to it all year. I agree that Jim Nance is too mushy but other than that I think it's about as close you can get to perfection in golf coverage. The only thing that would make it better is if they could get a side contract with Johnny Miller. I think Miller is the best.

First thing is I couldn't disagree more (shocker).

Their coverage sucks. I'd LOVE to see what the front 9 looks like. I can't remember a time when they showed it complete. They control the sh!t out of everything that comes out of that tourney. All they really care about is picking up the coverage at Amen Corner. Sh!t, I'll probably get sued just for typing that.

The Open does it the best. No matter the hour, they just broadcast the damn thing. They don't tape delay it or boil it down to highlights. You want to watch? Get your ass up early.

And personally, I'd pay to see Miller and Faldo both be torn apart by lions. They are 2 of the most annoying twats in all of broadcast land. I'm amazed that they even have broadcast partners as their heads and egos are so large, there's no room for another chair in the booth.

[huskyhater]

So you also hate Nicklaus, Norman Elkington, Baker-Finch and Stadler?

All the players you mentioned have class, respect for the game, and repect for the players who made it what it is/was for them.