Lorenzo Needs Your Help This Thanksgiving

[lorenzoinoc]

I assume other than Poe, the greatest hospitality contribution you lazy bastards plan on making this Thanksgiving is burping and farting. Well, I'm not so lucky, I was drafted to host and do the cooking for around 12-14 freeloaders.

I was going to do straight traditional but American food is just so damn bland and s.hitty. My solution is to bring in the hot chili peppers including Adobo, Cayenne, Habanero, Jalapeno and a few others so I can spike the mashed potatoes and stuffing. I took a poll and there's only one whimp who can't eat like a man.

This individual happens to be coming along with an ex-gf for whom I still carry a small flame. I admit to not liking this guy very much but I need him there for balance since my current will also be there and I want to minimize the risk of a catfight. If I wasn't so busy cooking that I'd miss it, I might feel differently.

So my question is: Should I follow Emily Post and accommodate this one guy I don't really like, or should I just say f.uck him? Most of the rest of us like sweat coming down our brow. I'm not cooking him separate dumbed down stuff. Forget that and thanks in advance for your help with this.

[The Purist]

No offense Zo, but WTF?

People don't give a shiat about spicing up their thanksgiving. This one dude should be commended for being the only honest person in the bunch...the rest of the people were saying sure, and thinking behind their backs how lame your thanksgiving meal is going to be.

People don't like change. Don't fukc with the staples...prepare your turkey, mash potatoes, stuffing, and gravy like a normal person. If you want to go spicy, do it with the green bean casserole, shrimp salad, and deviled eggs.

Make sure you have plenty of alcohol and your tv's are turned to football.

[lorenzoinoc]

No offense Zo, but WTF?

People don't give a shiat about spicing up their thanksgiving. This one dude should be commended for being the only honest person in the bunch...the rest of the people were saying sure, and thinking behind their backs how lame your thanksgiving meal is going to be.

People don't like change. Don't fukc with the staples...prepare your turkey, mash potatoes, stuffing, and gravy like a normal person. If you want to go spicy, do it with the green bean casserole, shrimp salad, and deviled eggs.

Make sure you have plenty of alcohol and your tv's are turned to football.

Then you're that one guy. Maybe you're banging one of my ex-gf-s too? By the way, my food is never lame, how dare you?

You may be right, but the gravy, turkey, yams and green been casserole would not be spicy. It's only a couple of dishes, key though they may be.

How could you think my food could be lame? That really hurts.

[The Purist]

Then you're that one guy. Maybe you're banging one of my ex-gf-s too? By the way, my food is never lame, how dare you?

You may be right, but the gravy, turkey, yams and green been casserole would not be spicy. It's only a couple of dishes, key though they may be.

How could you think my food could be lame? That really hurts.

Its just tough love.

You have to play this one to the middle. Take my advice and go spicy on those dishes I suggested...your guests will either rave about those dishes or avoid them. The ones who avoid them won't give a shiat, because they got their traditional tasting turkey and mash potatoes.

[mongrel]

Then you're that one guy. Maybe you're banging one of my ex-gf-s too? By the way, my food is never lame, how dare you?

You may be right, but the gravy, turkey, yams and green been casserole would not be spicy. It's only a couple of dishes, key though they may be.

How could you think my food could be lame? That really hurts.

My advice would be to spice it up with the appetizers/canapes/munchies. Whatever you call the warm-up chow that is offered preliminary to the Main Course. Around 1968 when I was stationed in San Diego, some shipmates and I drove down to Tiajuana to see what we could score on a Saturday morning. It was hot as stink and we were walking around in this subterranean shopping center when I spied a little cafe in a mezzanine hole-in-the-wall. It was like 10:30 am and we were the only ones in the place and the wait staff had yet to take our drink orders. There was a dish of raw crinkle-cut carrot slices and I started eating them. They were dry as bones and nice and fresh and real crunchy. After about ten them in a minute or so, I started to sweat from my scalp and my mouth started to boil and I realized those crafty Mestizos must have marinated those raw carrot slices in Essence of Hottest Peppers on Earth for at least 30 days. It took about 6 Carta Blancas to turn the temp down to medium high. That's what you need.

[The Purist]

The real question is: do you have a plan for isolating and seducing your ex?...this could be tricky, but don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

[lorenzoinoc]

Its just tough love.

You have to play this one to the middle. Take my advice and go spicy on those dishes I suggested...your guests will either rave about those dishes or avoid them. The ones who avoid them won't give a shiat, because they got their traditional tasting turkey and mash potatoes.

I'm guessing on the turkey because I've never done one before, but there will be spices going into the brine tonight along with the turkey although savory ones people are used to with turkey like rosemary, sage, thyme and allspice. Jacked up mashed potatoes are pretty common out here, they're preferred by most foodies to plain, and there will be foodies coming. I might even drop lobster meat in it and lay a lobster shell on top.

Let me ask you though, on a scale of 1-10, how much do you generally like spicy food?

[The Purist]

I'm guessing on the turkey because I've never done one before, but there will be spices going into the brine tonight along with the turkey although savory ones people are used too with turkey like rosemary, sage, thyme and allspice. Jacked up mashed potatoes are pretty common out here, they're preferred by most foodies to plain, and there will be foodies coming. I might even drop lobster meat in it and lay a lobster shell on top.

Let me ask you though, on a scale of 1-10, how much do you generally like spicy food?

Probably 7 or 8 out of 10. I can go pretty spicy with jumbalaya type dishes, Chinese, Thai etc, but I don't care for 911 sauce hot wings.

[lorenzoinoc]

The real question is: do you have a plan for isolating and seducing your ex?...this could be tricky, but don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

I'm an honest person so I'll admit the thought has crossed my mind. Honestly, with the alcohol flowing I need to be ready for almost anything, which is kind of how I like it and part of the reason for inviting the ex.

When you cook for a woman, it's very much like foreplay, there's just no getting around it. That's part of the reason I want to jump a little past traditional, I don't want these women confusing me with their grandmother.

[jmtbkr]

I say full heat and plenty of alcohol for everyone. Then you can take your ex upstairs and f.uck the s.hit outta her!

[lorenzoinoc]

I say full heat and plenty of alcohol for everyone. Then you can take your ex upstairs and f.uck the s.hit outta her!

None of us that will be together is able to have a true traditional Thanksgiving with families. Deaths, divorce and/or relocations have taken their toll for most of us, a few are just social deviants unable or unwilling to stay connected with their families.

So Norman Rockwell won't be there. Might as well blaze our own trail while still touching most of the old important bases.

[alangbaker]

You're the host, they're the guests.

Be a good host and don't make one of your guests uncomfortable.

[poe4soul]

I assume other than Poe, the greatest hospitality contribution you lazy bastards plan on making this Thanksgiving is burping and farting. Well, I'm not so lucky, I was drafted to host and do the cooking for around 12-14 freeloaders.

I was going to do straight traditional but American food is just so damn bland and s.hitty. My solution is to bring in the hot chili peppers including Adobo, Cayenne, Habanero, Jalapeno and a few others so I can spike the mashed potatoes and stuffing. I took a poll and there's only one whimp who can't eat like a man.

This individual happens to be coming along with an ex-gf for whom I still carry a small flame. I admit to not liking this guy very much but I need him there for balance since my current will also be there and I want to minimize the risk of a catfight. If I wasn't so busy cooking that I'd miss it, I might feel differently.

So my question is: Should I follow Emily Post and accommodate this one guy I don't really like, or should I just say f.uck him? Most of the rest of us like sweat coming down our brow. I'm not cooking him separate dumbed down stuff. Forget that and thanks in advance for your help with this.

Phuck him. Make what you like. Here's a tasty dish to get you started. We make this dish on a regular basis and would be good for T-giving.

http://www.adobenido.com/blog/2010/n...ipe-muy-bueno/

Chipotle-Rubbed Turkey sounds like a winner.

Here's a dessert I was thinking about but there are many good dessert with spice.
http://pastrystudio.blogspot.com/201...chocolate.html

You'll have to share your menu. If all else fails you can just have a side of ghost peppers.

[lorenzoinoc]

You're the host, they're the guests.

Be a good host and don't make one of your guests uncomfortable.

Even if he's doing your ex-gf?

[alangbaker]

Even if he's doing your ex-gf?

Especially in that case.

Remember: you invited her and him.

[SoonerBS]

Even if he's doing your ex-gf?

Neither one would be in my house unless I was luring them in to kick the shite out of them.

You put up the wrong poll, who cares whether you spice the food, but you shouldn't be inviting exes of any kind to your Thanksgiving meal.

[Not a hacker]

Why wouldld you want to minimise the risk of a catfight? Nothing livens up a party like two hottys slapping and biting and scratching the fuk out of each other. All the great parties have a catfight.

[lorenzoinoc]

Neither one would be in my house unless I was luring them in to kick the shite out of them.

You put up the wrong poll, who cares whether you spice the food, but you shouldn't be inviting exes of any kind to your Thanksgiving meal.

No it's cool. I'm the one that ended it. He's sort of high maintenance but not a bad guy. And he usually brings a couple of good bottles. If he wasn't in the picture I'd feel guilty.

[lorenzoinoc]

Why wouldld you want to minimise the risk of a catfight? Nothing livens up a party like two hottys slapping and biting and scratching the fuk out of each other. All the great parties have a catfight.

Agreed but I'd just miss it while I was cooking and that could ruin my Thanksgiving.

[Boomhauer]

Aren't you Italian, Lorenzo??? You must have a Beretta around the house somewhere - at least an over/under. Invite them earlier than everyone else, have the current gf take the old gf on a tour of the place, bring the d!ckhead out back and shoot him. Go back in and get a 3-way loving with the current and x, then bring the x out back and drop in the same hole as d!ckhead. Then go in and cook whatever the phuck you want to - it's your house, your meal, and don't go cheap on the booze.

[lorenzoinoc]

Aren't you Italian, Lorenzo??? You must have a Beretta around the house somewhere - at least an over/under. Invite them earlier than everyone else, have the current gf take the old gf on a tour of the place, bring the d!ckhead out back and shoot him. Go back in and get a 3-way loving with the current and x, then bring the x out back and drop in the same hole as d!ckhead. Then go in and cook whatever the phuck you want to - it's your house, your meal, and don't go cheap on the booze.

I keep a couple of Glocks where noone could possibly find them. It's tempting but sloppy. There has to be a way to do the trois without committing a capital crime.

[Boomhauer]

I keep a couple of Glocks where noone could possibly find them. It's tempting but sloppy. There has to be a way to do the trois without committing a capital crime.

OK - instead of goin' spicey, go drowsy. Pop some sedatives in his mashed potatoes.

[lorenzoinoc]

OK - instead of goin' spicey, go drowsy. Pop some sedatives in his mashed potatoes.

Damn you're good. Suddenly I'm less motivated to dump in the spice.

[mongrel]

Damn you're good. Suddenly I'm less motivated to dump in the spice.

"Spice" is archaiac American Negro for marijuana. Which works quite effectively ground fine and stirred into a brownie mix. With some really good sh*t, a little goes a long way. The THC enters the body directly through the bloodstream and the effects can be longer lasting than smoking it. As an after dinner desert offering, you can get all who partake extremely mellow and docile and, coupled with the right mix of alcohol consumption, you could video some hilarious clips for future publication on YouTube or for your "blackmail" file.

[lorenzoinoc]

"Spice" is archaiac American Negro for marijuana. Which works quite effectively ground fine and stirred into a brownie mix. With some really good sh*t, a little goes a long way. The THC enters the body directly through the bloodstream and the effects can be longer lasting than smoking it. As an after dinner desert offering, you can get all who partake extremely mellow and docile and, coupled with the right mix of alcohol consumption, you could video some hilarious clips for future publication on YouTube or for your "blackmail" file.

Camp Pendleton is just down the road and four of my guests will be Marines. Probably better off just giving the one guy horse tranquilizer.

[Boomhauer]

Camp Pendleton is just down the road and four of my guests will be Marines. Probably better off just giving the one guy horse tranquilizer.

Ahhh...yup.

[mongrel]

Camp Pendleton is just down the road and four of my guests will be Marines. Probably better off just giving the one guy horse tranquilizer.

You are a good man for having them over.

[lorenzoinoc]

You are a good man for having them over.

It was pretty cool. There are actually many families around here that do this making me something of a bandwagoner. It does alot for everybody involved.

[Not a hacker]

None of us that will be together is able to have a true traditional Thanksgiving with families. Deaths, divorce and/or relocations have taken their toll for most of us, a few are just social deviants unable or unwilling to stay connected with their families.

So Norman Rockwell won't be there. Might as well blaze our own trail while still touching most of the old important bases.

Sounds like a big chill sort of shindig. Are you gonna do the stupid group dance salad toss?

[lorenzoinoc]

Sounds like a big chill sort of shindig. Are you gonna do the stupid group dance salad toss?

It's all over except for the eating of the leftovers. I literally had recipes in front of me as I was cooking some of the stuff which doesn't put me in the dancing spirit but pretty much everything came out good except the gravy.

I kind of f.ucked up the gravy by letting someone else get involved just because she was hot. My life's story.

[Not a hacker]

It's all over except for the eating of the leftovers. I literally had recipes in front of me as I was cooking some of the stuff which doesn't put me in the dancing spirit but pretty much everything came out good except the gravy.

I kind of f.ucked up the gravy by letting someone else get involved just because she was hot. My life's story.

Thats a pretty big thing to fuk up. Gravy makes or breaks the meal. I hope she was worth it.

[lorenzoinoc]

Thats a pretty big thing to fuk up. Gravy makes or breaks the meal. I hope she was worth it.

I corrected the flavor, so that was good. It was a little thinner than I would have liked but it worked fine. Honestly, the turkey came out so good it didn't need gravy. She on balance was a unquestionably worth a little troubleshooting.

[lorenzoinoc]

Phuck him. Make what you like. Here's a tasty dish to get you started. We make this dish on a regular basis and would be good for T-giving.

http://www.adobenido.com/blog/2010/n...ipe-muy-bueno/

Chipotle-Rubbed Turkey sounds like a winner.

Here's a dessert I was thinking about but there are many good dessert with spice.
http://pastrystudio.blogspot.com/201...chocolate.html

You'll have to share your menu. If all else fails you can just have a side of ghost peppers.

Didn't see your post before. The veggie one sounds like a really good fall dish. I ended up putting adobos and jalapenos in the mashed and it was loved by all. I learned that so many of the traditional dishes have similar things going on so the spice of the mashed really enhanced things.

I had others bring the desert. They were English and they brought frozen pies from Ponderosa. It's ok, everyone had already pigged out.

But guys, if someone spends the better part of a couple of days cooking a meal for you, don't bring a frozen pie.