Little Known Rules of Golf

**wirehair** · 03-02-2005

I've discovered several little known rules that are to be followed by all golfers.

1. When hitting over water, always hit a new ProV1. They make the prettiest splashes.

2. All good drives are to be followed with fat second shots, else the universe will become unstable and the Earth will spin into the sun.

3. Any opportunity to hit a high fade over a tree must be attempted. Under no circumstances may you play intelligently.

4. Birdie putts, no matter how long, must be on-line and 2 inches short. Alternately, you may choose to fire the ball 8 feet past the cup.

5. Whenever you attempt to compensate for your slice by aiming left, you must use that opportunity to execute a strong pull into the next county.

6. If a playing partner insistes you hit that new driver he's so proud of, you should always hit under the ball and leave a dummy mark on the top edge. This is especially true if that partner is your boss.

7. When the Beer Cart Girl (the one with the glorious chestal region) is watching, you are obligated to hit a banana slice that comes down two fairways over.

Please post any I've missed.

**Benguk** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by wirehair

I've discovered several little known rules that are to be followed by all golfers.

1. When hitting over water, always hit a new ProV1. They make the prettiest splashes.

2. All good drives are to be followed with fat second shots, else the universe will become unstable and the Earth will spin into the sun.

3. Any opportunity to hit a high fade over a tree must be attempted. Under no circumstances may you play intelligently.

4. Birdie putts, no matter how long, must be on-line and 2 inches short. Alternately, you may choose to fire the ball 8 feet past the cup.

5. Whenever you attempt to compensate for your slice by aiming left, you must use that opportunity to execute a strong pull into the next county.

6. If a playing partner insistes you hit that new driver he's so proud of, you should always hit under the ball and leave a dummy mark on the top edge. This is especially true if that partner is your boss.

7. When the Beer Cart Girl (the one with the glorious chestal region) is watching, you are obligated to hit a banana slice that comes down two fairways over.

Please post any I've missed.

Hey i got a good #8, dont copy and paste things from joke websites unless they are funny!

its true, but i dont mean it as a dis.... mabe

**wirehair** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by Benguk

Hey i got a good #8, dont copy and paste things from joke websites unless they are funny!

Gee little boy, I'm sorry I've displeased you. Now go test some golf balls with your US Kids driver, and then go tell your Mommy she's calling you.

**Silver** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by wirehair

Gee little boy, I'm sorry I've displeased you. Now go test some golf balls with your US Kids driver, and then go tell your Mommy she's calling you.

No kidding...what a little snot.

**gt77** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by wirehair

Now go test some golf balls with your US Kids driver

not only is it US Kids, but you forgot it was 18*!

**Benguk** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by wirehair

Gee little boy, I'm sorry I've displeased you. Now go test some golf balls with your US Kids driver, and then go tell your Mommy she's calling you.

It was a joke. Jeez i was just kidding with you! You don't have to spaz on me. I aint no snot for the other guy. I was just playin. Are another thing, y the **** would I play a US kids driver?

**KiltedArab** · 03-02-2005

Originally Posted by Benguk

Are another thing, y the **** would I play a US kids driver?

Because you're a US Kid?

You and The Master should get together sometime.

**dorkman53** · 03-02-2005

I have a slightly different version of rule #2.
I call it, "........(Insert name here's) Law of the Conservation of Mediocrity";
All pars and birdies must be followed by bogies or double bogies to restore the fundamental balance of the universe. If an entire round is good, it must be followed by a poor round for the same reason.

Failure to adhere to this rule will result in a wobble in the earth's orbit at minimum, and the destruction of the entire universe in a worst case scenario........

**shooter mcgavin1** · 03-03-2005

Well I never read those before and I thought they were hilarious, even if they were copied.

**shooter mcgavin1** · 03-03-2005

I have another one - Whenever you have any drink (beer or soda) at the beginning of a round, you will have to pee at least 4 times throughout the rest of the round, and there will be no restrooms anywhere nearby, and the course will be so crowded that if you go behind a tree at least 5 people will see you.

**sparty3138** · 03-03-2005

Originally Posted by gt77

not only is it US Kids, but you forgot it was 18*!

Benguk also has a 29-wood in his bag. 51* Lob Wood baby. I think Benguk and Mikezajac are related. They are ridiculously stupid. Anyone that thinks they can compare golf balls without a machine's swing is out of their mind. Is he telling us he is able to put the same swing on each ball. Benguk take your 4-club US Kids set and your pink and yellow balls, put on your skort and quit posting about your stupid reviews.

**wirehair** · 03-03-2005

Originally Posted by shooter mcgavin1

I have another one - Whenever you have any drink (beer or soda) at the beginning of a round, you will have to pee at least 4 times throughout the rest of the round, and there will be no restrooms anywhere nearby, and the course will be so crowded that if you go behind a tree at least 5 people will see you.

This applies primarily on a course with no woods to intentionally hit into.
BTW - I didn't copy anything, ctrl-C and ctrl-V are way beyond my capabilities.