"Lactose Intolerant"

[bethpage caddy]

I think we should all pay homage to the single post that redefined GR history. The topic of this post was "your most embarrasing moments on a golf course"


"We'll just call this one 'lactose intolerant' and hope not too many of you have heard this story before.

There is a world class course (Stonehouse) in Williamsburg, Virginia. Roscoe and I have a 1:30 tee time. It is an hour away. I totally cannot drink or eat dairy or else I get the explosions.

So of course before the hour car trip to the course I enjoy a giant chocolate malt.

We get to the course and I feel fine. We play the front nine and it is a beautiful day and am empty course. The 9th green and 10th tee are about 2 miles apart. We hop in the cart and start the journey to the back nine and it hits me. Hits me hard. Malt wants to make a jailbreak. I am literally doubled over in the cart and clenching for my life. I know I am not gonna make it. We pull up to the 10th tee and I grap a towel out of my golf bag. I sprint behind the back tee and find a tree to lean against. I have to be careful because there is a day care center just through the trees, so I situate myself at an angle so nobody can see me except those using the cart path. Empty course, nobody else using the path, I am safe.

Roscoe is laying on his side on the tee laughing himself silly. I drop trou and lean back against the tree. I am dying now. The pressure is too great. I am sweating and nauseous and bugs are flying all around my face. I think I might die. I cut loose with enough power to nearly levitate myself off the ground. I am worried about spray on the back of my shoes or pants. I know this tree is a goner. The sheer power still startles me to this day.

So Roscoe announces as I am nearly done "somebody is coming down the path!!"

I totally do not believe him. He is just making my suffering worse with teasing. I release again and this time start commentating. Words like "Oh sweet Jesus, oh sweet baby Jesus" is what I am mumbling. Gallons of sweat are dripping off my forehead....

he was not kidding. Some realtor is trying to sell home sites and sure enough down the path comes one of those carts that seats 12 people and it has a couple of other carts attached to it train style and it is pulling these people along. They are touring the course and the home sites. Must be 25 of them. I am in plain view and the smell is real. Really real. I bow my head so at least they cannot see my face......

I left the towel behind after clean up. Last time I went to the course it was still there, right next to the tree. The tree looks sad.

Have not had a malt since."

[FM71]

BPC that's funny you mentioned that post. I swear the other day I was thinking how this forum has degraded to a bunch of trash talking and remembered that post from the better days. That story gets funnier every time I read it.




Wait a minute, it's always been this way. Someone leaves and someone replaces. Circle of life.

[Montagle]

That was a pretty funny post. I like you, BP.

[graffixjones]

Well, maybe if you had projectile-$hit all over a tree and posted about it, you would've made the hall fame too... instead of projectile-$hitting all over the forum?

I will admit, though, that BPC has some inconsistent moderating abilities...

[Montagle]

Yeah, well that is my post. So please clarify your point.

[graffixjones]

LOL... point taken.

I didn't realize that was yours... BPC conveniently forgot to add a 'posted by' credit to that story.

Great story by the way.

[MRH]

I'm lactose intolerant too.

[The Purist]

What a masterpiece...I tried to find the original embarrising moments thread, but I couldn't find it. Has anyone had anything remotely that funny happen to them?

[Horseballs]

I miss Montagle/Besson. Funny guy who absolutely hated BPC.
Nothing can top that story, but I have one that is kind of funny.
A friend of mine and I are playing an early round as a twosome after a night of serious drinking. We invented a drink called a Double Eightball which consists of equal parts cheap Merlot from a box and Miller Lite. It actually tastes worse than it sounds if that's possible. My friend was a newly minted financial analyst (read, cold-calling salesguy desperate for clients). We get paired up with couple guys in their mid-40's. It turns out that one of the guys is a CEO of a 60 or so person company and the other guy is a surgeon with a private practice. We get to talking, and luck has it that the CEO was evaluating different brokerages to manage his company's 401K. Him and my buddy exchange business cards, and it really seems like he's got a shot at getting this account, or at the very least setting up a further meeting. On 8 green, my friend loses his battle with the Double Eightballs and throws up all over himself. It happened so fast that he couldn't get out of earshot or even off the green. It sounded like he was yelling, but the purple volcano shooting out of his mouth and nose left no room for discussion.
The guys played on without us, and surprisingly my friend didn't land the account.

[Not a hacker]

Pure 24 carat BPC Gold!