Ask Cargo Putter any question

[Cargo Putter]

Go ahead and ask me a question about anything. Having trouble putting? I can help. Wondering what will happen in the NFL this year? I have the answers.
I don't want to toot my own horn, but I pretty much know everything.

[pingman360]

will my school win our soccer game today???

[CPS]

The NFL, much like golf, was far more interesting 20 years ago. Parody, the Salary Cap, Money and too many 10-7 games pretty much ruined the NFL (I know I will be in a minority opinion here). Not sure what ruined golf… but money is definitely one of them. Hybrids and belly putters probably have something to do with it though.

[CPS]

Oh wait... a question...

If you were driving a car at the speed of light and turned on the headlights... would they do anything?

[Cargo Putter]

Oh wait... a question...

If you were driving a car at the speed of light and turned on the headlights... would they do anything?

Yes they would definitely do "something"

[Cargo Putter]

will my school win our soccer game today???

Does anyone really win in soccer?
Your team will win easily because of that inbred hick coaching your opponents. And seriously Jimmy Davis is a terrible goalie. He simply can't defend the low ball. You should win in a landslide.

[bjdrivers]

Why is your mom such a filthy whore? Did it come naturally or did she have to work at it?

[bjdrivers]

You're traveling north on the HWY at 60MPH. A fly flies from your windshield to the back window. which way is it actually traveling? North or South

Only a redneck from Arkansas could ask such a dumbass question.

[bjdrivers]

I played golf last week for the first time wearing cargo shorts. Every time I putted, I had an unsustainable urge to "flip" my wrists early in the follow through. What the hell caused that?

[Cargo Putter]

Why is your mom such a filthy whore? Did it come naturally or did she have to work at it?

My mother is a natural. Yours hones her whore skills every night at the truck stop.

[Cargo Putter]

You're traveling north on the HWY at 60MPH. A fly flies from your windshield to the back window. which way is it actually traveling? North or South

Only a redneck from Arkansas could ask such a dumbass question.

First off, your POS truck could never get up to 60mph. Secondly, the fly was traveling north in relation to the compass (unless it is a superfly capable of flying 60+mph), south in spatial relation to its immediate environment.

[Cargo Putter]

I played golf last week for the first time wearing cargo shorts. Every time I putted, I had an unsustainable urge to "flip" my wrists early in the follow through. What the hell caused that?

I suggest you go with it. You'll be a better player.
To answer your question, it is caused by the extra pockets in the shorts.

[bjdrivers]

My mother is a natural. Yours hones her whore skills every night at the truck stop.

So that's where she's been! Thanks Cargo!

[bjdrivers]

First off, your POS truck could never get up to 60mph. Secondly, the fly was traveling north in relation to the compass (unless it is a superfly capable of flying 60+mph), south in spatial relation to its immediate environment.

ahahahahahaha. how i wish we could meet at the 1/4 track.....

[pingman360]

Does anyone really win in soccer?
Your team will win easily because of that inbred hick coaching your opponents. And seriously Jimmy Davis is a terrible goalie. He simply can't defend the low ball. You should win in a landslide.

actually we did win and we (the pre-school) were playing some hicks i actually scored the winning goal we won 2-1 i assisted the first and took cargo's advice on the low one (not really... but i did put it low in the side net from the 18) so he really does know his stuff... all hail cargo...

[TmacG]

Wait, Wait, ive got one.

The following is meant with all respect. Take no offense.

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DOUCHEBAG?

sincerely,

Tanner

[dorkman53]

What are the implications of weightless interstellar space flight on the operation of the Henderson-Hasselbach equation?

[Cargo Putter]

What are the implications of weightless interstellar space flight on the operation of the Henderson-Hasselbach equation?

The implications are simple. David Hasselhoff is quite simply the finest actor of his generation. He would likely make an excellent pilot, either interstellar or terrestrial.

[Cargo Putter]

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DOUCHEBAG?

I obviously have insecurity issues.

[rossg42]

Will the Phillies make the playoffs?

[Cargo Putter]

Will the Phillies make the playoffs?

I'm afraid the answer is no. You just don't have the starting pitching of the other wild card contenders out west. The Padres/D-backs will have a bitter fight with the loser taking the wild card spot. Your only hope is that the Mets continue to suck balls.

[dorkman53]

The implications are simple. David Hasselhoff is quite simply the finest actor of his generation. He would likely make an excellent pilot, either interstellar or terrestrial.

You're WRONG!!!! The greatest actors of our age are clearly Paul Rubens (Pee Wee Herman), Pauly Shore, or Kevin Costner.......

[rossg42]

I won't even bother asking you about the Eagles. But what about my Fantasy team?

[Cargo Putter]

I won't even bother asking you about the Eagles. But what about my Fantasy team?

I'm really more of a question-answerer than a future-predictor. I'm usually only around 50% correct when predicting the future.
Eagles should be OK with a healthy McNabb. I can't see anyone running away with that division, but 2 things are a definite.
First, Eli will not (and will never) have this "breakout" season that is predicted every year. The G-men will be battling the Redskins for worst team in the East.
Second, Tony Romo will emerge as one of the pre-eminent chokers in the history of the NFL. Count on 2 wins and bet the over.

[rossg42]

Thank you, All-Knowing

[Omen2]

am i a demigod or a supergod?

[poe4soul]

or a demidog or a superdog?

[SeldomInTheSlot]

I'm really more of a question-answerer than a future-predictor. I'm usually only around 50% correct when predicting the future.
Eagles should be OK with a healthy McNabb. I can't see anyone running away with that division, but 2 things are a definite.
First, Eli will not (and will never) have this "breakout" season that is predicted every year. The G-men will be battling the Redskins for worst team in the East.
Second, Tony Romo will emerge as one of the pre-eminent chokers in the history of the NFL. Count on 2 wins and bet the over.

How can we be expected to take you seriously after your asinine Giants prediction? They are clearly the class of the NFC.

[Cargo Putter]

am i a demigod or a supergod?

You couldn't even hold Demi Moore's jock strap.

[Cargo Putter]

or a demidog or a superdog?

Clearly a superdog.

[Cargo Putter]

You're WRONG!!!! The greatest actors of our age are clearly Paul Rubens (Pee Wee Herman), Pauly Shore, or Kevin Costner.......

I don't see a question anywhere in here. Hasselhoff owns all those chumps.

[Cargo Putter]

How can we be expected to take you seriously after your asinine Giants prediction? They are clearly the class of the NFC.

They lost their heart and soul on offense. Get ready for a long, disappointing season.

[SeldomInTheSlot]

They lost their heart and soul on offense. Get ready for a long, disappointing season.

Are you referring to that reporter on the Today Show? He had no heart or soul and is dead to me now.

I have another question on an unrelated topic:

1) What country would have been the most likely to conquer Canada if the U.S.A. wasn't such a kind and powerful neighbor?

[Omen2]

so super demi god it is...

thanks cargo...

what color cargo shorts yield the best results?

[golfaholic]

Better ball flight:

Shank or a top?

[Omen2]

top.. it goes straight

[golfaholic]

Superior ball flight:

Fade or Draw?

[TmacG]

Superior ball flight:

Fade or Draw?

JS, you know that that is a never ending topic.. You just had to bring it up again. \

TmacG

[Not a hacker]

I'm surprised he didn't invent a new character to drag up that old chestnut.

[Omen2]

fade.....definitely the better ball flight for pus.sies.

draw is for men that play from the tips with forged blades and no hybrids... fade for all the pixies...

[Cargo Putter]

so super demi god it is...

thanks cargo...

what color cargo shorts yield the best results?

Camo obviously, but as long as you've got at least 6 pockets you'll be OK.

[Cargo Putter]

fade.....definitely the better ball flight for pus.sies.

draw is for men that play from the tips with forged blades and no hybrids... fade for all the pixies...

And now, the real and only correct answer. A draw is better for people lacking distance like Omen. A fade is desirable for long hitters looking to play with control.

[LyleG]

golf sandals - how totally fuking awesome are they?

[bjdrivers]

bag tags - how totally fuking awesome are they?

[Not a hacker]

The implications are simple. David Hasselhoff is quite simply the finest actor of his generation. He would likely make an excellent pilot, either interstellar or terrestrial.

Hasselhoff is undoubtedly a fine actor, but he comes from a generation that produced TV actors of the calibre of Mr T, Adam West (the only true Batman for those old enough to have watched the series), and Eric Estrada. Not only could all these guys act Hasselhoff off a break, they are also all far superior drivers and riders than the Hoff, and didn't rely on computer AI with pooncy voices to navigate their vehicles.

Cases in pooint. I never saw the Hoff produce a loud screeching sound when driving on a dirt road like BA did every week.

And the Hoffs jeans and sneakers with shiny black leather jacket (unzipped) ensemble didn't hold up to West's tight fitting cheap, polyester costume stretched over his middle aged flab, or Estrada's village people motorbike cop impersonation.

They just don't make larger than life TV characters like they did in the 80's.

[golfaholic]

golf sandals - how totally fuking awesome are they?

Yep, you're they kind of guy I would expect to see in a pair of those fruit boots.

[bjdrivers]

And now, the real and only correct answer. A draw is better for people lacking distance like Omen. A fade is desirable for long hitters looking to play with control.

Omen got teabagged by spongebob flippy wrist cargo pants.

[golfaholic]

bag tags - how totally fuking awesome are they?

I will crush your trachea with your own hand..

[bjdrivers]

I will crush your trachea with your own hand..

Quit trying to get frisky with me f.ag, my door doesn't swing both ways.

[golfaholic]

Quit trying to get frisky with me ***, my door doesn't swing both ways.

OK, so you're only into men?.

I'll try to hook you up with Lyle.

[TmacG]

Ask Cargo Pants what he can do for you. Im sure that he could hook you two up.

TmacG

[bjdrivers]

OK, so you're only into men?.

If your mom is really a dude, then yes, I guess I am.

[golfaholic]

yes, I guess I am.

I don't have a problem with it.

What ever makes you happy.


As long as you don't try to put it in my ass.

[poe4soul]

that is about the worst comeback I've heard. First you either admitted to f'ing a guy or JS's mom. Why would you even want to admit to either? dumba$$.

[Cargo Putter]

Hasselhoff is undoubtedly a fine actor, but he comes from a generation that produced TV actors of the calibre of Mr T, Adam West (the only true Batman for those old enough to have watched the series), and Eric Estrada. Not only could all these guys act Hasselhoff off a break, they are also all far superior drivers and riders than the Hoff, and didn't rely on computer AI with pooncy voices to navigate their vehicles.

Cases in pooint. I never saw the Hoff produce a loud screeching sound when driving on a dirt road like BA did every week.

And the Hoffs jeans and sneakers with shiny black leather jacket (unzipped) ensemble didn't hold up to West's tight fitting cheap, polyester costume stretched over his middle aged flab, or Estrada's village people motorbike cop impersonation.

They just don't make larger than life TV characters like they did in the 80's.

Hacker, I'm not here to debate my answers with you. My answers are 100% correct and to think otherwise would be stupid. FYI, you seem to recall in great detail the tight clothing of yesteryears' actors. The word "gay" gets thrown around a lot, but it applies in this case.

[Cargo Putter]

golf sandals - how totally fuking awesome are they?

They go great with camo cargo shorts, just not after Labor Day.

[Doug411]

You're WRONG!!!! The greatest actors of our age are clearly Paul Rubens (Pee Wee Herman), Pauly Shore, or Kevin Costner.......

Don't forget Steven Seagull and Jean Claude van Damm

[bjdrivers]

that is about the worst comeback I've heard. First you either admitted to f'ing a guy or JS's mom. Why would you even want to admit to either? dumba$$.

He's just mad cause someone called out his f.ag tags. Er, uh bag tags.

[LyleG]

Klik or Spam? I'm feeling hungry.

[Not a hacker]

Hacker, I'm not here to debate my answers with you. My answers are 100% correct and to think otherwise would be stupid. FYI, you seem to recall in great detail the tight clothing of yesteryears' actors. The word "gay" gets thrown around a lot, but it applies in this case.

Extreme homophobia is a pre-cursor to being gay. I think you are still coming to terms with your own sexuality. I am a happy hetero, but I think you should come out of the closet and stop trying to find something gay in others.

[Not a hacker]

Don't forget Steven Seagull and Jean Claude van Damm

If we are going to get into the B grade martial arts action movie bad actors I think Lorenzo Lamas would give those two a run.

P.S. out of that genre Chuck is the only real deal still around.

[rossg42]

Why is Phil Mickelson such a douche?

[Cargo Putter]

If we are going to get into the B grade martial arts action movie bad actors I think Lorenzo Lamas would give those two a run.

What was Lorenzo wearing?

[Cargo Putter]

Why is Phil Mickelson such a douche?

Common misconception. He's actually just extremely whipped. His wife won't let him play tourney's on soccer nights. Ask Neverman about the perils of being whipped.

[rossg42]

Waaaaaahhhhhhhhh! It's such a long and stressful season. Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! My multi-million dollar job is so tough. I actually started to like him him for a minute when he showed some toughness on Monday, holding off the field. But then he went back to being a whining jerkoff

[Not a hacker]

Maybe he can't play because he is chafed from where his man cans have been whiplashing his face during the swing.