CBS Sports Interview with Montagle

[Bravo35223]

CBS Sports Interview with Montagle

Jim Nance: Hi Everybody – this is Jim Nance with CBS Sports. Well, here we are in golf’s off season. While we wait for the action to pick up again in 2005, our staff has been researching an interesting phenomenon – Internet golf boards. These are message boards that are populated by players across the globe – who come online to discuss everything from putters and drivers, to the Ryder Cup to Tiger’s woes and – sometimes – off topic subjects.

Our CBS Sports staff has been researching one golf board in particular – Golf Review.com and its cast of characters.

Today, we are interviewing Montagle a colorful and sometimes controversial contributor to GR – as it is known for short.

Jim Nance: Montagle, welcome to CBS Sports.

Montagle: Good to be here Jim.

JN: Well, our staff has had a great time researching you and your fellow posters on GR. Quite a cast of knowledgeable characters!!

M: Well I don’t know about that. Just last week, I said that the only people who knew anything worthwhile were myself, Gupta and Roscoe.

JN: You mean everyone else on the board is unqualified to discuss the game?

M: Exactly. If it were not for Gupta, Roscoe and myself – the board would implode.

JN: Well a very frequent contributor is Buddha from Tampa. What about him?

M: Buddha can hardly break 100….and he uses the Medicus!!!!

(Throws head back in shrieks of laughter)

M: I mean – I cannot believe he actually has the balls to come online and discuss golf with us!!! He takes 8 stokes per hole!!! And he uses a training aid…..hahahahahahaha!!!

JN: Well our research staff has really gotten a kick out of Buddha’s posts. He has some sense of humor.

M: Can you believe that he actually Likes NFL Football? I mean, everybody who likes NFL football needs to have a frontal lobotomy…I myself am into Formula 1 racing….

M: Say Jim, what is your handicap??

JN: I am currently playing to an 18 – down from a 20 about a year ago.

M: 18??? I cannot believe they even let you into the Butler Cabin for interviews with the Masters Champion. I could beat you sideways!!!

JN: Well speaking of competition, I understand that you have an upcoming match with Classic out of DC.

M: Yes I am going to beat Classic sideways. He is one trash talking mofo. I am going to teach him something about this game.

JN: It is our understanding that Classic is waiting for you to PM him so you can arrange your match….

M: I DO NOT PM!!!

JN: Pardon?

M: Montagle does NOT PM!!!

JN: Why??

M: I owe you no explanations you idiot. You are lucky I don’t beat you sideways right here in the studio.

JN: OK sorry. Well we understand that you are trying to set up your match in the next couple of weekends before the holidays are….

M: I DO NOT PLAY ON WEEKENDS!!!!

JN: What???

M: MONTAGLE does NOT play on weekends!! Classic MUST play on my terms!!!

JN: Well – we noticed an interesting poster from Minneapolis recently – Wurmburner/Quentin.

M: He needs to grow a brain.

JN: Pardon…

M: I mean he comes on and trashes women and then he leaves. He never contributes anything. I am the center of the board!!

Besides that, he needs to be in therapy. He can hardly break 90 and he only shot 79 for the first time this year - disgusting!!

JN: Well certainly one of the most colorful characters on GR this Summer has been The master – a poster out of Northern Ireland. A confident player.

M: I wouldn’t mind him if he didn’t have acne.

JN: Well acne is fairly common in adults now….

M: He is only 16 years old!!!

JN: 16? Well do you think hormones have something to do with that? Pretty common for teenagers to have a zit here and there. I had a few myself.

M: His face is disgusting. He should not come online until he clears up that pizzaface….

JN: Any discussion of GR would not be complete without recognizing the Moderator – a fellow from Southern California who puts in many unpaid hours – Dorkman.

M: I could beat him sideways. He has banished so many of my threads. He has doused many awesome flamewars.

JN: Our research indicates that GR is one of the most liberal golf boards on the internet. After all, Spanked from San Francisco has posted under an estimated 27 different screen names….

M: Yes Spanked, Timmay, Corndog Cornelius and don’t forget Johndalysthirdchin and Tigerscousintwiceremoved.

JN: Sounds like he has a vivid imagination!.

M: Yes, he is intent on bringing down the board, along with Gupta and myself.

JN: Well what about Bravo?

M: He is too diplomatic for me. Besides he is from Alabama and I hate rednecks. It is hard enough for me in Richmond – much less living down there.

I gagged when I crossed the Mason Dixon line. It is stifling for us liberals down here.

Bravo’s only redeeming quality is crediting me for the AssClench tip. Besides that, he knows nothing. He claims to know Hogan – but believe me – Bravo is NO Hogan. Deep down inside – since he is from Alabama – he must love NASCAR and I hate NASCAR as much as I hate the NFL. A bunch of morons….

JN: No discussion of GR would be complete without a mention of your in-law – Roscoe.

M: He is a superb photojournalist but has no short game. I beat him sideways on a regular basis.

Besides the Paco Cup is mine…

M: Say Jim, how big is your house?

JN: Just moved in last month to a new place in Pacific Palisades, California – 10,000 square feet on three acres….

M: 10,000 square feet?!?! On three acres…in LA?

JN: Yes, overlooking the Bel Air Bay Club and the Pacific. Just beautiful. Just down the road from LA Country Club where I am a new member.

M: Private club? You….you….

I could beat you sideways Jim. You mofo….I mean I would set up my alignment station and beat you sideways with your own clubs. Then, I would put on my plain front pants, white belt and white shoes and beat you sideways. AND we would play by all the rules!!

JN: This is unbelievable!!! In all my years of conducting interviews…my personal well being and safety are threatened….

M: You need to be in therapy you mofo. I could beat you sideways…sideways I tell you….You are worse than Wurmburner, maybe even Fred3???

(Security comes in to haul Monty away….)

M: You are worse than Fred3 you mofo!!! You don’t have a 10,000 foot house!!! You live in a housetrailer with Bravo in Alabama!!! Rednecks, NASCAR, NFL…..a conservative conspiracy…

I am leaving the country with Barbra Streisand and Kevin Costner!!!!

Agggghhhhh!!!!

JN: This is Jim Nance with CBS Sports. See you next time…..

(fade to black)

[Silver]

Now that's an imagination.

It kinda makes me wonder if you, Bravo, have been spending just a tad too much time on the board...?



(not a flame, only a jest)

[LBCGolf]

You don't do enough of these Bravo. I bow to your talented writing.

One of my favorite Monty sayings is "I'll slap that cock out of your mouth," you sould have worked that in. Otherwise... perfect!

'cept I watch F-1 and hate the NFL too... but I digress.

[Bravo35223]

You don't do enough of these Bravo. I bow to your talented writing.

One of my favorite Monty sayings is "I'll slap that cock out of your mouth," you sould have worked that in. Otherwise... perfect!

'cept I watch F-1 and hate the NFL too... but I digress.

Thanks and go Trojans.

Are you going to Miami or not?

[LBCGolf]

Should know by next week.

Looks like getting a ticket should not be a problem as long as I have $500 burning a hole in my pocket... no biggie there. The trick is whether I can fenagle a ride in this dude's Gulfstream and when I get there if I can have access to a luxury suite with all the free munchies. Those 2 issues are still up in the air, so to speak...

[Bravo35223]

Should know by next week.

Looks like getting a ticket should not be a problem as long as I have $500 burning a hole in my pocket... no biggie there. The trick is whether I can fenagle a ride in this dude's Gulfstream and when I get there if I can have access to a luxury suite with all the free munchies. Those 2 issues are still up in the air, so to speak...

Oh Gawd - what a trip. My dad was a corporate exec and his firm had a G4. That is some fun flying. Climb to 48,000 feet in ten minutes and go. Look down at the 737's beneath....

Hope you can go. The cost of the ticket is chump change compared to the experience.....

[buddha33]

The crowd jumps to their feet and applauds. Bravo comes out for a final bow!

[The master]

Yeah nice post bravo but all the zits have gone you put a bit of zudo cream on them before you go to bed for 2 or 3 nights and there gone.

That must of taken you a while to write if it was me I wouldn't bother but its good the forum has people like you, has there been any more nucular bombs don't they wipeout everywhere withing 100 miles.

[Bravo35223]

Yeah nice post bravo but all the zits have gone you put a bit of zudo cream on them before you go to bed for 2 or 3 nights and there gone.

That must of taken you a while to write if it was me I wouldn't bother but its good the forum has people like you, has there been any more nucular bombs don't they wipeout everywhere withing 100 miles.

Actually, I felt it was below the belt to belittle you because of your acne so there is no need for you to defend yourself. You cannot help it.

This is my third "CBS Sports Parody". I have written them all about personalities who are colorful and well known to many posters.

They are easy to write and I usually laugh all the way through it. This one could have been much longer but I wanted to spare the audience...

[DaveE]

Braaavooo, Bravo.

I just know had a chance to read this. Funny stuff. The best part is that I could see an interview with Monty going exactly like that.

[Montagle]

I don't know Bravo. This schtick was kind of humorous with TBB the first time. This is like the fourth time you have used this 'Interview" parody on this board, not to mention several others. On one of your other forums you received a pretty serious amount of criticism for repeating the effort. maybe you should have listened to those folks.



I guess if you only have the one angle to make others laugh, you should stick with it. But I would think it would improve rather than gradually get less funny.

Maybe next time bust out something original.

[Bravo35223]

I don't know Bravo. This schtick was kind of humorous with TBB the first time. This is like the fourth time you have used this 'Interview" parody on this board, not to mention several others. On one of your other forums you received a pretty serious amount of criticism for repeating the effort. maybe you should have listened to those folks.



I guess if you only have the one angle to make others laugh, you should stick with it. But I would think it would improve rather than gradually get less funny.

Maybe next time bust out something original.

Sounds fair enough.

You have to admit that you gave me a lot of good material though.

The format lends itself to parody on any poster who is colorful (as you are) and well known....I could do a great one on the master for example....

[The master]

Cool do one on me. It would be like that program on BBC 1 This is your life.

[Bravo35223]

Cool do one on me. It would be like that program on BBC 1 This is your life.

Great!!

I admire your moxie. You are indeed a playa!!

I will have it out by the end of the week. Still working today, golf tomorrow afternoon and then I taper off.

[rockford35]

I will have it out by the end of the week. Still working today, golf tomorrow afternoon and then I taper off.

You can get Viagra for that, B.

R35

[Montagle]

Yeah, Montagle gave LOTS of people LOTS of material to work with.

Better off not letting him on the board.

Do some of the other folks here. certainly they have some qualities to parody.

Montagle even gave up his most favorite adjective for you. This would be his nasty habit of calling people 'retard'.

maybe you should have worked some of that hilariousness into your 'interview'.

Funny guy you are Bravo.

[buddha33]

If you want this to turn into, "you are a great guy, Monty", let me start it off.

You are a fantastic person. I will always be in debt for your sympathy for me during the hurricane season. You really went out of your way.

I sincerely apologize for coming onto this board and using some of the tips and ideas to shave 6 strokes off my index. I apologize for having golfed the entire time I was here. I apologize for not breaking 90. I apologize for not being well versed in golf history. I apologize for not being as accomplished as you in ten less years of living.

I'm truly sorry for being here and thank you for putting up with my deficiencies.

BTW, I'm beginning to think you and Spank should see the same therapist. Your self-inflated egos both need to be popped.

[Bravo35223]

Montagle even gave up his most favorite adjective for you. This would be his nasty habit of calling people 'retard'.

maybe you should have worked some of that hilariousness into your 'interview'.

Funny guy you are Bravo.

Would you like me to work some humor on my mentally-retarded daughter into the parodies?

[Montagle]

No, not really looking for any thoughts from Buddha at all. Have no use for them.

It is funny how active you were in getting Montagle removed from the board, and then spent the better part of the weekend talking about him.

Kind of odd I think.

I just wish you would find something else to carry on about.

Dorkman is moderator for a reason, and maybe he ought to do the moderating around here.

Pretty simple stuff.

[buddha33]

No, not really looking for any thoughts from Buddha at all. Have no use for them.

It is funny how active you were in getting Montagle removed from the board, and then spent the better part of the weekend talking about him.

Kind of odd I think.

I just wish you would find something else to carry on about.

Dorkman is moderator for a reason, and maybe he ought to do the moderating around here.

Pretty simple stuff.

There's really no sense in talking to a wall. I'm done.

[Montagle]

NO Bravo, I don't find any humor in your predicament. I feel for you and I feel for your child.

I just want you to consider that I changed my behavior to make you feel welcome. I was polite about the endless inquiries concerning going to play golf in Ireland with you. I was decent enough when the rallying cry went up to take all the members here to another site (though I never left here).

I supported you fully and without criticism.

In return I can't reply to a thread you created which mocks me because I am banned.
Kind of shady to dog a guy who can't reply with their own thoughts.

AND, it is not that your thread offends me. It is simply that you put it up knowing I could not reply.

I misjudged you. And I feel foolish about it.

[Montagle]

Oh, I am not talking to you Buddha. Just making a couple of points. Don't feel compelled to reply.

[buddha33]

Oh, I am not talking to you Buddha. Just making a couple of points. Don't feel compelled to reply.

Sorry, master Monty. I'll shut up.

Don't you have a banning to ask for, Sir Spineless?

[The master]

Im not trying to start anything here monty, but why did you asked to be banned if the next day your were going to come back as someone else are you not manely.

[Montagle]

Nice name calling.

How'd you like that RED HOT NFL action yesterday? Anybody make a goal?

[Bravo35223]

NO Bravo, I don't find any humor in your predicament. I feel for you and I feel for your child.

I just want you to consider that I changed my behavior to make you feel welcome. I was polite about the endless inquiries concerning going to play golf in Ireland with you. I was decent enough when the rallying cry went up to take all the members here to another site (though I never left here).

I supported you fully and without criticism.

In return I can't reply to a thread you created which mocks me because I am banned.
Kind of shady to dog a guy who can't reply with their own thoughts.

AND, it is not that your thread offends me. It is simply that you put it up knowing I could not reply.

I misjudged you. And I feel foolish about it.

I can understand how you would feel that way - and I am not being sarcastic.

I prepared the parody before i knew you were banned. As I said in my 'nuclear bomb' post - I went out to a two+ hour business luncheon and when I got back - all hell had broken loose.

When I did the TBB parodies a year ago, I sat down and composed them directly into the site. I use a cable modem that will crash once a day or so - causing me to reboot. One of the TBB parodies, after 30 minutes of composition, I found that my internet connection was down and I lost all my work. This caused me to recompose the entire script -which was frustrating.

This time, I came home, saw that hell was breaking loose on the board and went to Microsoft Word and composed the script. Took about an hour with interruptions from the family/phone etc. Then I copied and pasted it into the board. This is why the funny characters are on the page. At the time I composed it - I did not know you were banned.

You indeed Did reply to my PM's about the trip to Ireland and will am happy to corroborate your information here. Thank you for replying to me then.

As I said in another post about my parody of you - it was all in jest not meant in an offensive way.

If my parody offended you or I have offended any poster here - I apologize.

This is not what I am about.

Still looking forward to the master parody later this week though....

[The master]

May I ask what will this contain.

[buddha33]

Nice name calling.

How'd you like that RED HOT NFL action yesterday? Anybody make a goal?

It was good. Everyone involved sat around after the games to discuss its relevance in life. We all agreed that F-1 racing is far more rewarding.

You are better than me, Monty. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Make sure you instill that same confidence in your kids. You'll be proud.

"Daddy, I belittled someone today because their interests are different."
"That's my boy!"

[Bravo35223]

May I ask what will this contain.

It will contain content similar to the Montagle parody. We will use some material from your match with IG as well as other reoccuring themes in your posts.

If you want to reconsider your offer - let me know and I will not write the script.

Otherwise, my imagination will be working over the next couple of days to come up with something good....

[Montagle]

You always go for a comment about my children when you have nothing else to use.
I would say that is foul, but I guess that too is up to our moderator.

On the other hand, a single guy who is still sitting in place waiting for his life to begin may see that as clever or effective.

Say whatever you want about my kids. It won't bother me.

I was kidding about the alignment station too.

[buddha33]

Nope. I got plenty more on you, dude. You just don't like to hear the truth.

BTW, I got one of my own. I'll make sure I tell him to belittle others tonight. That seems like the way to treat people; I guess you have to have low self-esteem though. Maybe you should tutor us.

Like I said, you and Spank are one in the same.

[Bravo35223]

This is deja vu all over again.

Just when a flame war is breaking out - I am leaving for two hours....

[The master]

Bravo go ahead I will pm you tomorrow with a few things I want you to include.

Im out of here as as the sheperds say lets get the flock out.

See you at midnight.

[Quentin]

Dorkman is moderator for a reason, and maybe he ought to do the moderating around here.

He DID. And it was the right thing to do. Now I am hoping he does it again very soon.

~QQ

[buddha33]

Bravo go ahead I will pm you tomorrow with a few things I want you to include.

This is awesome. The master's designing his own Bravo parody.

[Montagle]

You have more on me? I would think so. You worshipped Roscoe and I for 11 straight months. I assume you paid pretty close attention to every utterance.

I should have done the same for you. I guess I failed you there.

Apologies.

[buddha33]

You have more on me? I would think so. You worshipped Roscoe and I for 11 straight months. I assume you paid pretty close attention to every utterance.

I should have done the same for you. I guess I failed you there.

Apologies.

No, I'm pretty sure it was Roscoe that drew my attention. You were sorta along for the ride. No offense.

[Montagle]

He does posses Charisma, no doubt. I am lucky to have him as a friend.

We need to get back to positive things like golf, home entertainment centers, weather maladies, and the National Football League.

So I am anxious to put all this behind us and bury those two guys that made you so mad.

Fresh start? Kitten?

[buddha33]

[QUOTE=Besson]So I am anxious to put all this behind us and bury those two guys that made you so mad.
QUOTE]

Roscoe didn't bother me a bit.

[LBCGolf]

This is awesome. The master's designing his own Bravo parody.

Nope. I don't think that's a good idea. If he suggest what Bravo can include it means he can tell him what to exclude. Then the final product will be too watered down.

I think TM's ego is too fragile to be subjected to poking too much fun at him. I predict he will lash out.

[dorkman53]

Could I make a suggestion?
If two people want to hash out issues between them, why not handle it on a Private Mail basis?
Thanks

[Montagle]

Gosh Mr. Dorkman, I was kind of hoping they would hash out the slapstick hilarity of the Masters interview with Nantz on the main page. I think we would all find it gut splitting funny.

Just my thoughts of course, SIR.

[Pajarito]

Gosh Mr. Dorkman, I was kind of hoping they would hash out the slapstick hilarity of the Masters interview with Nantz on the main page. I think we would all find it gut splitting funny.

Just my thoughts of course, SIR.

I do not understand why this guy is here. If he is banned then he should be banned whatever his nickname is, if not let him use the original Montagle.

Why don't you stay a while away from here for things to settle down and then you try to come again with a new personality?

[Montagle]

It is the same personality that has graced this lovely free messageboard for 5 years and I will not change it to please anyone.

All the moderators over the years and this is the first one to take offense at what I do.

So I owe him a huge debt and an effort to make things better.

I'd like to kick things off by welcoming you to the forum and asking if there is anything free I can send you via the mail.

Welcome to GR!!

[Pajarito]

It is the same personality that has graced this lovely free messageboard for 5 years and I will not change it to please anyone.

All the moderators over the years and this is the first one to take offense at what I do.

So I owe him a huge debt and an effort to make things better.

I'd like to kick things off by welcoming you to the forum and asking if there is anything free I can send you via the mail.

Welcome to GR!!

You do not need to change, you only need to respect others as you like they respect you.
It doesn't mean you can not be sarcastic from time to time and that you can not make use of you refined sense of humor, it only means what it means and I think you are wise enough to understand it.

[LBCGolf]

I get it.

Pajarito = Birdie in Spanish

clever...

[Pajarito]

I get it.

Pajarito = Birdie in Spanish

clever...

Precisely
Exactamente

[Bravo35223]

Nope. I don't think that's a good idea. If he suggest what Bravo can include it means he can tell him what to exclude. Then the final product will be too watered down.

I think TM's ego is too fragile to be subjected to poking too much fun at him. I predict he will lash out.

I'm looking for humorous content one way or the other. If TM provides me with good content, we'll use it....if not, there is more than enough to work with already.