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Thread: Golf Smack

  1. #1
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    Golf Smack

    Most of my golf is walk on for 9 when I can get out of work early. People are generally so polite...I can't freakin stand it. On the rare days I do get paired with a smack talker, its usually the same old tired material I've heard a million times before.

    I get a bit of pleasure from making fun of other peoples poor shots, but often times, I completely forget about boasting after good shots. The best smack I've heard in awhile was during a skin game: After my friend hits a close shot on a long par three, he turns around and yells "suck it, b!tch!"...doesn't sound particularly clever, but it was funny as hell.

    What is the best golf smack talk you've heard on the course?
    The views expressed by The Purist do not necessarily represent the views of The Purist. Any posts by the Purist should not be relied upon for truth or accuracy, and should be viewed at your own risk.

  2. #2
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    Hm.

    I don't talk **** after I hit good shots, just the bad ones.
    2007-2017 Moderator of the Year.

  3. #3
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    After a close shot on a par 3...."shoot, that's tighter than last night".

    After a long drive "that sh!t was O.D......Out Dayer"

    After making a long putt "that's what I'm talkin' about!"

    If you're playing in a dots game and make a birdie putt "dot me up motherf@cker!!"

  4. #4
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    Didn't Benguk and his buddies already have the definitive thread on this topic?
    I chose the road less traveled.

    Now where the f#ck am I?

  5. #5
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    There's a semi senile old feeb at our course who chops it up and can only see about 20 feet in front of him so you are always looking for his ball, but he knows how to talk some smack. Everybody avoids him like the plague, but you invariably get stuck wioth him from time to time. Last time he was in our groups he had the nerve, after chopping it up for the first five holes and taking probably 15 or more putts, to say to me "Never up never in" after I left a long putt a couple of inches short. He then proceeded to tell another guy in the group "is that your wedgewood' after skying a 3 wood, and topped it off by telling a different guy he needed a "tree iron" after spraying one into a tree. I know this isn't the sharpest smack talk out there, but coming from this guy it actually had me laughing pretty hard, smack talk has more effect when it comes from a chopper.
    The views expressed by Not a Hacker are not meant to be understood by you primitive screw heads. Don't take it personally, just sit back and enjoy the writings of your better.

  6. #6
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    I don't see any good reason to do any smack talking on the course unless there's some benefit like in a match or playing for money. My favorite is, if I crack a long drive exactly where I want it, to ask my playing partners if they saw where it went. Since my vision is going and I can't usually see my ball flight or where it lands past about 150, I'm not busting balls. Of course, when you hit it pure, you know where its gonna land. Another favorite is when an opponent hits it close on a par 3 and I miss the green. I wedge it to 2 or 3 feet and the guy has a 10 footer for birdie and he misses. I'll tell him "good try" and make my par putt. That seems to be sufficiently aggravating. Or when the long and wrong young buck nails his driver (lately seems to be mostly those $500 Taylors with all those adjustable weights and hosels) 295 yards dead right or left, I'll say "ah man you really nailed that one." Smack.

  7. #7
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    My weekend buddies and I love good natured razzing after a bad shot, and a genuine compliment after a good one. (Why is it that I only get the former, and not the latter.....hmmmmmm......I guess I need to read some more internet tips from "experts.")

    We're good enough friends that nobody gets offended, but I think really "talking smack" is something for a different generation and different mindset. I'd be uncomfortable giving it or receiving it, if I didn't know it was all in good fun. I'm old enough to appreciate golf as a gentleman's game, no matter the age of the participant. Otherwise, it comes across like garbage from lowlife scum; a total lack of class.
    Seldom right, never in doubt......

  8. #8
    One that got me laughing was when I was paired with an old timer. I had hot a nice drive, pin was on the right side of the green, I pulled my PW to the left side of the green. With my putter in my hands, as I was eyeing my 70 foot birdie putt he says, "You sure that's enough club?" I thought it was pretty funny.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by mongrel
    I don't see any good reason to do any smack talking on the course unless there's some benefit like in a match or playing for money. My favorite is, if I crack a long drive exactly where I want it, to ask my playing partners if they saw where it went. Since my vision is going and I can't usually see my ball flight or where it lands past about 150, I'm not busting balls. Of course, when you hit it pure, you know where its gonna land. Another favorite is when an opponent hits it close on a par 3 and I miss the green. I wedge it to 2 or 3 feet and the guy has a 10 footer for birdie and he misses. I'll tell him "good try" and make my par putt. That seems to be sufficiently aggravating. Or when the long and wrong young buck nails his driver (lately seems to be mostly those $500 Taylors with all those adjustable weights and hosels) 295 yards dead right or left, I'll say "ah man you really nailed that one." Smack.
    If you want to lay the smack after a good drive, just bend over and pick up the tee, then walk off the tee to your bag while the bal is still in flight. Nothing says you can play like not bothering to watch where it lands, letting your opponents know that you know exactly where it's gonna land. Not watching the shot also shows that you aren't getting all excited about a long drive and trying to see how far it goes, like it's no big deal, you hit long straight bombs all the time.
    The views expressed by Not a Hacker are not meant to be understood by you primitive screw heads. Don't take it personally, just sit back and enjoy the writings of your better.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Not a hacker
    If you want to lay the smack after a good drive, just bend over and pick up the tee, then walk off the tee to your bag while the bal is still in flight. Nothing says you can play like not bothering to watch where it lands, letting your opponents know that you know exactly where it's gonna land. Not watching the shot also shows that you aren't getting all excited about a long drive and trying to see how far it goes, like it's no big deal, you hit long straight bombs all the time.
    Either that or it means you can see for shite.

  11. #11
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    I've always been somewhat partial to mom-smack, but I'm worried I'm getting too old for that...Is wife-smack ok?
    The views expressed by The Purist do not necessarily represent the views of The Purist. Any posts by the Purist should not be relied upon for truth or accuracy, and should be viewed at your own risk.

  12. #12
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    When I was 14 and caddying at the Olympic Club, my guy came up to his drive in the fairway and announced, "sitting up like a wedding night prick."

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by 24putts
    When I was 14 and caddying at the Olympic Club, my guy came up to his drive in the fairway and announced, "sitting up like a wedding night prick."
    If I were a member and heard that comment I would have taken it to the board. I have been an esteemed member at more than one country club. I like to think of myself as a little better than the common folk that pollute the public courses. I dare say I could be labeled as a semi-snob when it comes to golf. I don't mix with the help and I frown upon those that struggle with their play. Last, but certainly not least, I have neither the time nor patience in dealing with a common caddie. The clubs must be cleaned, properly placed and leaning in the right direction. I've had to pull on the ears of more than one caddie and while I don't enjoy it I find it necessary. I would have had the board fire the caddie for repeating something a member said. First, I'd have him surrender that summer's wages and tips and then I'd send him on his way back across the tracks. Tis the way it's always been.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by famousdavis
    If I were a member and heard that comment I would have taken it to the board. I have been an esteemed member at more than one country club. I like to think of myself as a little better than the common folk that pollute the public courses. I dare say I could be labeled as a semi-snob when it comes to golf. I don't mix with the help and I frown upon those that struggle with their play. Last, but certainly not least, I have neither the time nor patience in dealing with a common caddie. The clubs must be cleaned, properly placed and leaning in the right direction. I've had to pull on the ears of more than one caddie and while I don't enjoy it I find it necessary. I would have had the board fire the caddie for repeating something a member said. First, I'd have him surrender that summer's wages and tips and then I'd send him on his way back across the tracks. Tis the way it's always been.

    spoken like a guy who had brewers droop on his wedding night.... unlucky mate

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by famousdavis
    If I were a member and heard that comment I would have taken it to the board. I have been an esteemed member at more than one country club. I like to think of myself as a little better than the common folk that pollute the public courses. I dare say I could be labeled as a semi-snob when it comes to golf. I don't mix with the help and I frown upon those that struggle with their play. Last, but certainly not least, I have neither the time nor patience in dealing with a common caddie. The clubs must be cleaned, properly placed and leaning in the right direction. I've had to pull on the ears of more than one caddie and while I don't enjoy it I find it necessary. I would have had the board fire the caddie for repeating something a member said. First, I'd have him surrender that summer's wages and tips and then I'd send him on his way back across the tracks. Tis the way it's always been.
    Don't be so hard on yourself FD. You're a tremendous slouch.
    The views expressed by Not a Hacker are not meant to be understood by you primitive screw heads. Don't take it personally, just sit back and enjoy the writings of your better.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by BURNDOG
    spoken like a guy who had brewers droop on his wedding night.... unlucky mate
    I find your references to consumation with my beloved offensive!! You are no gentleman!

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Not a hacker
    Don't be so hard on yourself FD. You're a tremendous slouch.
    the equal of Spalding Smales.
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